What used to be a great time over the summer for our family has turned into…well a horrible time for families just like ours. Ever since we’ve moved out of the state of Michigan in 2000, we came home on the 4th of July holiday weekend. My husband’s late grandmother, Grandma Tootsie, celebrated her birthday and because of my husband’s imagination, our younger children thought that the fireworks were for her. When she turned 85 in 2005, my husband’s brother hosted a family cookout which brought together her 3 children, 6 grandchildren and her…whew, give me a second…12 great grandchildren and her first great-great grandchild. Man, the pictures that we have from that event are powerful. I’m glad we have those pictures, those memories because Grandma Tootsie passed away last October and this is the first time that my children aren’t heading to Michigan for the 4th of July.
Yeah, it looks like of people are going to have to change their traditional plans with gas prices reaching an all-time high so far for this year. Throughout the media, we hear about families needing to spend more time together, parents need to take vacations to relieve stress and then when there is a possibility of a nice weekend drive (we’re not going to talk about plane travel and stuff, YUCK!), parents have to consider if they can afford the gas. I am disappointed, saddened, but I have to ask myself, so what are people with families, especially large families to do to get some quality time together? Here are some of my favorites:
Backyard Water Party (parents included). Summer time should not be fun just for the children. I love the summer and I have come to appreciate water balloons, running through the sprinkler and inexpensive water slides that you can get almost anywhere.
Bike Riding. My parents always rode bikes with us and they ride their bikes with the grandchildren when they come to visit, but my husband and I haven’t taken the time to get us bikes.
Museums. The children’s museum membership is about $100 for the year. Given the weather can be too hot for the beach, the museums are a good compromise and check to see if they have a reciprocal agreement
National Parks. Locally, I am sure there are things that you haven’t seen that the kids would enjoy. Look on the state’s website and find cool things that your family can do that are within a few hour drive
Local, “fancy” hotels or Holiday Inns where kids eat and stay free. Fancy for my kids is just a pool on the premises and make a local hotel a nice retreat for a day or two.
Enjoy your summer in new and creative ways while the government figures out ways to try to stop sticking it to the people.

Of course, you’re wondering what “it?” Well, the headline is a little trick so let me explain…The idea of developing habits makes me wanna cuss! Yes, as much as I believe I’m getting better and that God is strengthening, I have some bad habits that just won’t go away. Uh, Correction. That are going to go away with a fight.
Now, if I have bad habits and everyone else in my house have different bad habits, what do you think that makes the house? Sometimes, most of the time, a hot mess. For example, we have this thing in our house that we have “house” shoes and street shoes…even though I am one of the few people here who adhere to it, but that’s what I try to get everyone to do it. See dirt is hardwood floors worse enemy and since time has not been so nice to the floors, well I try to keep as much dirt off. Also, the kids have issues with keeping pairs of shoes together, so if they take them off at the door, then they can find them in the morning. right?
Well, this system never really worked given that there are so many people in our family that you spend all day tripping over shoes if you get anywhere near the door. Crazy, huh? But we’ve been doing it for awhile. I’ve tried a shoe bin, a cubby hole and none of that works. There just isn’t any space to get it around, so I’m thinking about how to change this (and many other habits in my house). As I started thinking about the bad habits of myself and my family members, I got a bit overwhelmed and started to get frustrated.
Habits…I teach the Seven Habits and I know how crucial they are to our overall success in life. When I was running a successful home based business when I had no family nearby and small children, I developed the habit of waking up at 5 AM, so that I can think, organize my office, write down what I had to do that day, get fully dressed in nice clothes (it was part of what I did). I had to “find” time or “make” time. I realized that my old habits had to change in order for me to do what I attend to do–daily blogging, develop an internet radio brand and coach families on being wholly successful. So, I wrote down my bad habits, well the ones that are preventing from reaching my goals (I mean, I didn’t have an entire day. ) and then I had to put a new habit IN PLACE of it. The last step is so key that it is the reason why people are often not successful with dieting. You focus on what you want to take out or decrease, but you don’t always focus on what you add or increase, so when you get hungry or tired and you have no solutions and it is easier to just do what you were already doing.
Ok.
Time to get the bad habits out and the good habits in! Below is my starter list and I want YOU to share some of your (or your family’s bad habits) and what you’re going to do to change it.
1) Shoes by door. I am going to ask everyone to take them off at the door AND put them under their bed in their room.
2) Not enforcing the chore chart. I am going to be consistent with disciplinary action by writing down the infractions daily and then implementing the punishment on the weekend….when they can feel it.
3) Start to organize my paperwork and never finish. I am going to finish my file cabinet organizing and ONLY open mail at my desk. Does your mail have legs?
4) Not working out consistently. I am going to get a walking partner and commit to at least three days a week.
5) Laundry hampers being used as storage containers. YIKES! I am going to have a laundry sorting system where the hampers are dumped and then returned to their rightful place. Simple, but UGGH…a thorn in my side.
Now, remember…I got a ton of bad habits, but I’m only listing a few to get you to think about what habit is keeping you from achieving your goals, ANY goal! Can’t wait to read your list

I believe that each parent should develop a one on one repore with each of their children. Unfortunately, it is difficult (not impossible) when you have 5 children (or more) and they are close together in age. The difficulties have been more evident as I slowly come from under a rock (correction: from under a baby crib. ) and start to do more things that are independent of my children. Blogging, podcasting are among those things that the kids have a hard time understanding when they want to “be with mommy,” hence my falling off the wagon in both. The times that your kids actually WANT to be with you is precious and it’s REAL special when it comes from an unexpected child.
Like most parents, we love all of our children, but in different ways. Take for instance, my oldest son. He was MY boy when he was llittle. I took him everywhere and he didn’t make a peep. His hair was so long that I had to dress him like a lumberjack just so people would KNOW he was a boy, but then something happened. He became a toddler!
He put ALL of the T’s in Terrible Two, Tumultous Threes. I mean, we fought. He has such an amazing will, such a strong resolve for a friggin baby. I’ve shared with you the bathroom story at Target and the restaurant situation and those are the tip of the iceberg. So, when he grew out of that phase, it was challenging for us to recover, you know, be back to mommy and her big boy. I miss it and I’ve wanted it back, but I didn’t want to push it.
I’ll never forget the time that he told me that he didn’t want me to call him by his nickname anymore.
“Mommy, could you not say that anymore?”
“Why? I’ve called you that all of your life.”
“Well, I’m older now and my name is fine.” (He was friggin’ 5!)
“Ok, honey, if you say so.”
I was crushed. I came up with this goofy names and goofy rituals so that we could have our own thing-just me and them. But…things have started to change.
This young man is now 10 and just recently decided that he needs to tucked in. Yup…tucked in. He and his brother get in the bed at night and scream, “Mommy, we’re ready for tuck in.” I go in, straighten up the covers, tuck them in on both sides, fall down on them (like an amateur wrestler) and them kiss them as much as they’ll allow, then give a zerbert to boot. They LOVE it! If I’m busy, they wait for me. How cool is that?
But to tip it off this week, my oldest chose to be with ME instead of go to the library. Now, if you don’t have nerdy kids, then you don’t understand. My son told a librarian that he could LIVE there and I would just have to bring him food once a day. Now do you get why him choosing me was so HUGE? Anyway, we were all alone in the house and I asked him what did he want to do.
“Mommy, you want to play a game.”
“Sure, honey.” (Trying to curtail my excitement)
“Why don’t we play checkers?”
“Cool, but I don’t know where all of the parts are?”
“No prob. We’ll just play online.”
“Huh?”
“Yeah, just go to Yahooligans and we can play checkers.”
Not exactly what I had in mind, but you know what, I had so much fun. He was on the desktop in the basement and I was on my laptop in the living room. We were yelling…”Aww, man. I didn’t see that.” to “Ah-ha. Gotch. King Me.” After a couple of games of me beating him (he’s a good player…he gave me a run for my money), he decided he was going back to watching some stupid show on YouTube.
“Thanks honey for spending time with me.”
“Sure. Next time, I won’t let you win.”
He still is a bit much, but he’s my lil man.

It wasn’t until fairly recently that I realized that some of myself, well a lot of myself, has been lost over the past years. I had engulfed my dreams in the practical and parental plans for my children. You know, the , “Well, I won’t be able to do that, but I will help my children do it,” mentality. Ever since I was a little somem, growing up in Detroit, I thought I could change the world. I know, many of us have those thoughts at, say, age 5, but for me, they lasted well into my adulthood. Now, what do you do with dreams deferred? Well, in my case (and I hope in yours), it won’t dry up and die like a raisin in the sun (If you are unfamiliar with these references might I point you to the poem, Dream Deferred by Langston Hughes and of course, the now-popular play turned television show with P. Diddy, A Raisin in the Sun by Lorraine Hansberry).
Wow, will the English teacher/literary elitist ever die? (I guess not.)
Anyway, I’m not trying to put things off any more, so let’s get this party started…well, that’s what I told myself and right when I was sitting down getting ready to write my next book proposal (oooh, I have to update all of my former readers about that whole book proposal process in another post), BBB, my youngest child, peed in the pot (yeah!) and kicked the little potty all over the floor in excitement. Man was that joy short-lived? I tried not to scream, but I’m not good at NOT screaming and all of that “make my dreams happen” energy went to scrubbing the carpet so that the basement wouldn’t smell like pee. Oh and after that trauma (you would think I would be over this…I know DH thinks I’m tripping over this potty training fiasco, but…another post, another post), I was so tired.
Tired.
Is that word synonymous with mother? With parent?
This tired crap has got to stop. It’s the middle of the day. I just got a little window to get my write on and here we go again, another distraction, another life moment. So what do you do?
Take a deep breath, gather up that baby and head to the dang gone gym or to the TV and get your stamina up.
My energy level has been crappy for years and I am too young to always feel tired PLUS we all have too many dreams, plans, ideas, thoughts that are laying dormant on the inside. So, I’m fighting back!
First, I’m starting with a natural total body cleanse, which I read should take at least 40 days to do it right. I didn’t find a lot of great sites that were informative/most of them were just giving the benefits of their products, but I did find some good books (if you want to join me, you can buy them from me…they are listed on my Amazon widget:
The Detox Strategy
The Fast Track One Day Detox
The Seasonal Detox Diet
The New Detox Diet
Secondly, I am getting my behind into gear and exercise. I know from the last time, I talked about this..I was supposed to trim some pounds, but I didn’t stick with it. This time, I realize that I don’t have a choice. My livelihood is at stake. The doctor told me that if I don’t exercise consistently, that I am going to experience not just physical issues, but also emotional issues (do we need to go there again?). So, I picked up some exercise DVDs and I’ll have to fill you in on which ones I’m using tomorrow.
Lastly, I am going to bed earlier, waking up at 5 AM (that’s the ultimate goal) and I am going to spend at least an hour before the kids wake up…doing ME, working on ME, developing MY dreams and writing this friggin proposal. You deserve to be the best YOU and an unfulfilled you ain’t your best.
Please share your dreams, ideas and plans that you’ve put on hold and share what your hold up has been. Tell us how you are going to get back on track or how you ARE back on track. We’d love to hear it!

I so love my church and we are undergoing a three year capital campaign. As a leader in the church, you have to make sure you are plugged in…well, anywhere I go, I try to be plugged in. It has been a challenge and a thrill managing my life and my ministry duties. One of the ways that I am able to juggle the responsibilities is to have Imani connected to ministry as well. She has such a servant’s heart and she loves being involved on our youth ministry. People who know us often tell me how much they appreciate her and how mature she is. I don’t blow it off, but I know that my bar is high and I am plugged in to my family. I know her…and that makes me proud.
What did it for me today though is that a woman who I barely knows says to me, “Your daughter is one of my favorite people. I observed her at a youth function and without her knowing I was watching I saw her walk away from any girls making trouble. I see her working in ministry and she’s always so bubbly. If I could be in her world even some of the time, my life would real good.” My chest started to puff out and I said Thank You and I shared with her how I don’t buy that crap about your teenager is going to turn on you, turn their back on you or they are going to stop listening to you and only listen to their friend. Hogwash! BS!
While I was talking to this woman, I wanted to pat myself on the back. I wanted to put a PP on my chest (Proud Parent), but it wasn’t enough to think about me being a proud parent. I parent on PURPOSE. I work deliberately at giving my children the best we got, actually more than what we got and I pray that we all can kick up the intensity of our parenting so wherever you are, you can pat yourself on the back. Instead of appreciating my daughter, I took a minute to appreciate me.
What is the one thing that you do differently than your parent, your family that has had a positive (or negative effect) on your kids? Please share.