children

Joy and Pain-a birthday tribute w/ photos

My mom and I were in the drive-thru at the Long Johns Silver on Kingshighway when I thought my water broke. Now, regardless of all of the stories you’ve heard, every one has a different water break experience. It’s not like that gushing, embarassing flood you see in the movies. At least not this time. Even though this would be baby #4, I wasn’t quite sure about the water because on a 100 degree humid St. Louis day, everything on you was usually wet at some level.

“What’s wrong?”

“I think my water broke.”

“Are you sure this time?”

“No, but we should go to the hospital just in case.”

Normally, she’s a little more sympathetic, but ever since she came into town a few days ago to help with the delivery, I had been to the hospital 3 times and no baby. I really thought I knew my body, but this pregnancy was different. It was filled with fear (the first time I had a baby away from home, away from family and friends) and frustration (I had just started a new business/got it growing a bit/figured out a routine/Husband started a new job/didn’t think we could care for another child). I had midwives in Michigan for the first 3 and I loved the entire process. I couldn’t even find Certified Nurse Midwives in Missouri. All of these differences made me anxious to “Just get it over with.”

Even the triage nurse at Barnes Jewish Hospital remembered me. “You back again?! I hope it’s the real deal for your sake.” My water hadn’t broke, but they broke it for me since this baby, like all of the others, was past the due date. Due July 1st and here it is July 6th. After 4 kids can I get a reprieve, Lord? Maybe not premature, but at least a week early. I think I just carry the babies a little too well. I should have did some jump roping or something to shake things up.

After some schmoozing with the staff, they found me a doula. Joanne M. She was so sweet and I thank her for being the calming force in the midst of my pretty tense and intense mother’s storm. “She knows what she’s doing Mom. Let her walk around. Let her rock on this ball. She’s done this before you know.” Yeah mom. I’ve done this before…3 babies. No drugs. All natural, vaginal births. Shoot, after this, I should be a midwife.

I had forgotten my music, but I did bring incense and fresh flowers. I was so excited to be having another girl. With those 2 wild boys and my husband, my daughter and I felt like we needed an estrogen boost. I was so calm that I remember seeing Luther Vandross on Touched By an Angel while I was actually delivering. My girl, Niara (swahili for ‘of high purpose’) Patricia (after my husband’s mom) Lorraine (after my mom) Spence, 8 lbs., 13 oz., born July 6th, 2002.

After a beautiful delivery of this wonderfully perfect baby, my mom left and they took the baby to the nursery to clean her up. I went to the bathroom to relieve my bladder and I was hemoraging so severely that I passed out. Luckily, the emergency button was along the wall as I fell to the floor. My uterus would not contract. Yep, it wouldn’t close. I was in and out of consciousness. Mad because I sent my family home too early. Scared because I couldn’t communicate verbally. My mind was racing. Do I need a blood transfusion? Am I going to need a hysterectomy? Why am I in more pain now than I was when I delivered? Is there another baby? They put me back on pitocin and it took them over an hour to get my uterus to comply, to respond to the meds.

That baby came home with me and while she was jaundiced and had to lay on bilirubin lights, I took extreme pain medication because breastfeeding, which causes the uterus to contract, was so painful that I cried every time I fed that little greedy baby. Joy and Pain.

With everyone of the kids to date, the most noticeable physical changes have occurred between the ages of 3 and 4. My girl is 4 today. 4. The baby girl is 4. And I’m watching her transform into a big girl and it’s hard. Real hard. All week I told her, “Could you please call 3 year old Niara or better yet get 2 year old Niara on the phone and tell her to come back. I miss her.”

She’s the household enforcer–”Mommy said cut the TV off, NOW”. She’s the lover of babies. Everytime we see a baby in the store she talks to the baby and tells the parent, “You know I LOVE babies.” She’s the ultimate performer–”Honey, move out of the front of the television while you’re dancing to the show opening.” The power she possesses is obvious to people who see her on the street.(My husband says her detiny was clear when she dressed herself in purple and green–Lex Luthor’s colors).

  

She’s unafraid. She’s hugs everybody, speaks her mind, and stands up to anyone who makes fun of her loved ones. (She got mad at the family reunion bowling outing when our adult cousins laughed after I got a gutter ball. “Don’t laugh at my mommy!” With her arms folded and a scowl, accompanied by a growl.) Hilarious and hard core.

Today, I salute Pie (short for Sweetie Pie…sweetie was too hackneyed PLUS her face has a bit of pie shape, so it worked better all the way around. I mean we call Soda Pop, ‘Pop’ in Detroit. Same difference). I’ll always be open for “lappy time.” I will continue to seek the Lord for direction as your destiny is being revealed to me every day. My prayer is that you will always be loved, will never feel rejected or unwanted and will walk in the calling of “making your voice heard among men.” Happy Birthday to “the best-est girl….in the whole wide world” (this is the chorus line in her theme song)! More photos of Ms. Niara and the crew are available at DH’s Flickr site.

 

© 2006 DahGurl.