children
Now some sadness
So, I’ve been ramblin’ on about Greece, but I think some of you may have misunderstood everything that has been going on. So, let me go back. About a year ago, my husband’s great aunt, who is a world renown/world traveled artist, wanted to coordinate a family trip to Greece. My children are the only grandchildren on my husband’s side of the family, so when the plans began, my in-laws immediately called and said, “We’re planning to go to Greece. What do you all think?” They are so considerate. In an ideal world, with proper planning, all seven of us would be on our way to Greece. Unfortunately, this is not the ideal world.
See, my husband and I don’t live in a dream world and I gotta be honest sometimes, I wish I did. Ideally, I love to travel. Ideally, I, like every parent, want to share the world with my children. Ideally, given our frugal nature and our willingness to sacrifice for what we want, we should be able to do whatever we put our minds to, but that’s in the ideal world.
Reality surrounds us and we are faced with some pretty unique challenges. Even if money were not an issue (and it most definitely is, but I’ll talk about that later), travelling with a large, young family is just not fun or easy. Until our children are older, we just stick to the flexibility that driving provides us. But even as they age, I’m faced with the fact that there are 7 of us and we need to plan many years in advance before making a big trip out of the country.
Plus we have a lot of catching up to do in the financial arena. My not working for as long as I haven’t has been a blessing, but it has been the most challenging endeavor we’ve had to face. How can you make sense of the years of “lost” wages when you’re faced with an opportunity of a lifetime like Greece and can’t even entertain the notion?
You take deep breaths. You receive all of the good words from the elders who admit to “knowing your pain” or the well wishes like “you guys will get your chance.” You cry at night and try to limit your pity party to 5 minutes or less. You have to stop replaying the explanation to your kids. “Mommy, why didn’t you or daddy go to Greece?” or worse yet, since this won’t be the first time that our family size or that our financial picture limits us to doing certain things, how many times will we NOT be in the pictures?
Yes, I’m grateful to have the family I have. Yes, I know that my children don’t blame us or accuse us of abandoning them. But it doesn’t change the feelings. It doesn’t change that I feel anxious to get a plan, get it together, figure out some things. I’m the writer. I’m the teacher. I’m the business owner. I’m the big dreamer, visionary. Hell, my husband always said that I was supposed to be the big baller and he was just planning to live his dream of being a professor. He’s a professor. So, what happened? Well, we didn’t factor in the nonstop crying that my daughter did at the day care while I commuted 2 hours daily to a company that was managed by crooks and hustlers. We didn’t factor in the time commmitment required for my husband to finish his research and the time it takes to nuture a marriage and a young family. There just wasn’t enough time to fulfill the basics of life. I was irritable, bringing work home, the kids were irritable and taking it out on us and my husband was irritable and trying to finish school. It was a hot mess. I held public office, trying to fill this void of “needing to change the world,” and that took irritation and stress to the extreme. The travel, the hobnobbing, the deceit, the time sacrifice. My poor first two babies. They don’t even realize how much of a mess we were.
My “needing to change the world” emptiness has been filled with homeschooling, writing and raising 5 incredible kids, which is by far, the hardest job I’ve ever had. But it took God, therapy, and hell of a lot of self-reflection to get to the point of appreciating the decisions we’ve made and not being afraid to receive love and help from others. You know when people help you or see that you have a need, it doesn’t mean that you’re weak…Write that down…There’s a lot of great advice in those words. I paid a lot (not just in money) to learn that and you’re getting it for free!
As I stood outside with my 4 year old crying and missing “the big kids,” I shared with her how blessed we all are and how we are going to make our own special memories while we pray for their safe return to us in 10 days. “What, Mommy, what?” “How about we invite your cousin over, go to the movies, eat a lot of popcorn and have a slumber party?” She stopped crying immediately. “Yeah, baby,” while doing her victory dance. I had to stop crying too and I feel better now. Sadness will be relieved once this doggone rain stops and the kids call me safely from the beautiful city of Athens. Thanks for being there, guys. I really apprecaite it.
Discussion
9 comments for “Now some sadness”
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Shawn, I want to tell you how much I have enjoyed reading your blogs.
You say what many of us are feeling and have inspired me over the past
few weeks to embrace and be ok with feeling the way I feel whatever it
may be on any given day. Your writing is comforting,
validating, hilarious, vivid, and just plain reality. Thanks for
sharing your world with us!
-Danielle
Hey,
First let me say that you know there will be other trips of course, and it takes courage and sacrifice to send your “babies” off, even if they are your oldest ones – but you give them so much more than a yearly trip across the world could do. And you’ll get yours too.
But, I just want you to know that you are doing an incredible job – from the outside looking in, I’m impressed at the little things that you accomplish as they seem HUGE to me. Do you know what an achievement it is – how much strength, courage, direction, faith, and vision it takes to “do life” on your own terms? And you’ve always done that well – back when you used to talk about not being able to “break out” of the mold of expectations – you have and you do. I don’t think any business measures up to that!
When you think about how you reap what you sow, well look ahead, take a glimpse – WOW!
Just my thoughts, from an old friend who found you to be her inspiration 17 years ago – wow 17 years – now there’s a good story in that!
Love, T.
Danielle,
Thanks so much for posting comments. Your words mean that I’m doing what I set out to do with my blog and it’s not easy sometimes, but it’s real. You guys have known me for years, but you just didn’t know I was going to take my wildness to the ‘net now, did you? You have a business/you have great ideas…just do the dang thang. Let me know how I can help. Love you like a sister!
Tif,
What would I do without people like you to encourage and support me? Strength, courage, faith…I left out chai teas from Borders and meditative moments in the Barnes and Noble parking lot. Thanks friend for letting me just ‘do me.’ You too will have that same love and sacrifice with your babies. You’re a natural, friend. 17 years, geez. Toto, we aren’t in Couzens anymore, huh?
Have you ever read comments on a blog and someone writes something like, “I was so moved by your post that I cried.” Usually I roll my eyes and suck my teeth whenever I read comments like this, but girl, YOU almost made ME cry! That’s a first because I have pretty thick skin.
I know you wish you were all in Greece. That would rip my heart out, too. I pray that everyone makes it there and back safely.
I’m sitting off to the side with Jennifer, dabbing my eyes. Beautifully spoken as always, you are truely an inspiration and my prayer is that the current situation will only be for a short while and that someday soon you will get to travel the world with all of your family tgoether. I also love to travel and part of my homeschooling dream is to use the world as a living textbook for my children to learn from. I can’t wait to hear about their adventure in Greece, I know they’ll have a wonderful time.
Jennifer,
Yeah, I do sometimes cringe when I hear people say things like that, but if it’s true, it’s just true. I have pretty thick skin too and I didn’t think I was going to react this way since it’s been on the schedule for almost a year, but I couldn’t hide my feelings and even us thick skin folks need to bust a tear every now and then. Thanks for sharing.
Yolanda,
I appreciate your kind words. Glad to have you back. I, too, believe in prayer and where it can take us all. I totally feel you on your homeschooling dream because that’s why I’ve continued to homeschool because the opportunities and possibilities are truly endless. The kids are writing everyday, must use all of the pictures in their disposable cameras and they must interview their 82 year old aunt. It sounds like work, but they’ll appreciate that I asked them to do that when they get older.
Shawn,
Hello. I hope all is well. This is the first time I have ever visited a blog. I am still not sure what is a blog. I just read your article “Now Some Sadness.” You know, it is amazing how much can be articulated by saying so very little. That is, although the article was brief and a “simple” outpouring of your soul to fellow blogites, your words were powerful. For example, when you talk of the emotional roller coaster of accepting and questioning the blessing of sending your children on a trip and acquiring for yourself a well deserved respite from being an “every woman”, it is clear that this range of emotion causes you both pleasure and pain. On the one hand, it causes you pleasure because you are able to rest. On the other hand, it is difficult because you feel guilty about “sending” your children away.
At the same time, it is clear that you pull on the strength from God, your husband, and family to help balance you out. It takes great courage to reveal such vulnerability. Stay encouraged for those whom you are blessing will never be the same as a result of it (Proverbs 31). Also, God will honor your faithfulness (Gal. 6:9).
Peace,
Jabu