advice

Check your luggage

No this isn’t about the recent terriorist attack.

Bag lady, you gon’ hurt your back
Draggin’ all them bags like that
I guess nobody ever told you
All you must hold on to is you, is you, is you-”Bag Lady”, Eryka Badu

I’m trying to hold on to me or better yet, uncover me. I now have to think about what I’ve avoided for a while-my desired lifestyle. And honestly, I’ve allowed the constraints, the reality to take away the dream, the vision. Then I wonder Did I ever have one? I’m often, well I should say always, put off by people who appear to have or to emphasize material gain when their character/when their persona needs development and growth. I think I’ve seen that too often and unconsciously, I’ve spent most of my life developing my character and given that I’m an activist at heart, I put a humble/restrictive/be grateful for whatever spin on my vision. But that’s not what I’ve really believed about my life. I’ve always expected to have a big house (because I expect my family in transition to come stay with me. That’s the servant in me) and I expected to have a lot of money (again, the servant. I expected to always have because I always give). I changed my expectations though and I’m not sure when, but I’m thinking it was somewhere around the birth of my second child. I can’t pinpoint it, but I’m thinking it was around there.

Bag lady you gon’ miss your bus
You can’t hurry up ‘cos you’ve got too much stuff
When they see you coming they just take off running
From you, it’s true, oh yes they do–”Bag Lady”,Eryka Badu

I got a lot of stuff that I’m carrying around, a lot. And I need to hurry and drop off some stuff because although people aren’t running yet, a lot of baggage scares people. For real, it scares me because in order to live in my world, I had to swallow my pride (not a bad thing, but sometimes you need your pride) and allowed myself to shrink back so that those around me could feel comfortable. Now, my children, especially my oldest daughter, need what I have. They need determination. They need a conquering spirit. They need the guts that it took for me to take over a newspaper that was started by someone else and make it award-winning in less than a year of my involvement. They need the heart it took for me to give my new jacket, worn only once, to that boy they teased and pushed in the mud at my elementary school. They need the fearlessness and the humility of that woman who kicked a cohort off a political campaign for her indiscretion and who tolerated being bullied while working for…should I say it? Ugghh. Let’s say a well-known male civil rights advocate who ran for President. (Go with that.) She got swallowed up, oh (sarcastic snarl) I just laugh because the people closest to me are often the ones who forget the essence of who I am…I let ‘em, so it’s not their fault.
So, I sit here and maybe I need to pick up some ol’ luggage. I’m gonna drop off my Accept Whatever luggage and pick up some What I Want, I Can Have luggage because of who God made me and who I am through Him. Now this It’s All my Fault luggage needs to get dropped off and I need to pick up the Shared Responsibility luggage. I’ve dropped off most of my Overachieving Perfectionist collection, but the same carrier offers the High Standards and Excellence package which I won’t put down for ANYBODY (this is probably the one that people covet the most, but don’t want to buy their own because it’s pretty heavy). Actually I checked my bags and my luggage has never been light, but I’ve accepted that part as long as it’s my luggage. MY luggage.

Other folks with the Live Beyond Your Means luggage tried to get me to buy a rolling garment bag with a matching backpack. The folks over at Be Phony and Stuckup offered a 3-pieces-for-2 discount package (a few folks in my family like this company). And my favorite carrier, Fraile/Fragile/Frumpy, sends me their catalog quarterly (since I do homeschool 5 kids and all) which comes with a toiletry bag for your meds (Prozac and Valium give coupons with your purchase) and your tissues (crying spells often) plus they have great accessories for your journey like neck and back braces (gotta have those for when you’ve lifted one too many laundry hampers) and a wide assortment of checkered and floral apparel perfect for your travels to the grocery store.

Check your luggage. You got some Abandonment luggage or some All Men Are Unfaithful luggage? Have the Live Beyond Your Means people been sending your preferred customer premiums? Oh, don’t forget the duffel bags like If You Want It Done Right, You Have to Do it Yourself (I lost that bag some years back, but they keep me on the mailing list for good reason) or the cosmetic bags like My Interests Don’t Matter as long as The Kids are Happy (I’ve seen a few people with this bag and the compact with the little mirror that comes with it ain’t pretty, especially when you look in it and you don’t even know what who you’re looking at). Lastly, you carrying some phat purses that your family gave you like You Married into the Wrong Family or I Can’t Believe How Big You’ve Gotten.

Yep, check your luggage and once you’ve cleaned it out, picked up the pieces YOU need for your journey, don’t miss your bus. You got some places to go. See ya there.

© 2006 DahGurl.