family

Day 2-Better Effort

Wow! I realize how much I have to share with you and how little time and space that I have to share. Why the pressure, the anxiety? Here’s the deal: I’m fired up and I feel…well, I feel bad because I’m great and something really sad happened to someone close to me.

I’ve been praying during my devotion plus I went to intercessory prayer and had a prayer conference call with my telephone Bible Study gurlfriends. In short, sistah is prayed up and I, right now at this moment, am so glad that I chose to turn to God and not let my mind jam me up. I turn to God for everything, but this request was rare. I needed the words to say to a young woman, younger than me, who has a child and desperately wants another child that everything is going to be okay, even though she just had her second miscarriage in 6 months. I’ve been praying for her family, for her strength, for her emotional and phsyical needs to be met and I believe. It looks like I’m believing enough for the both of us. In all of my pregnancies, never a miscarriage. I…I don’t want to sound like a Hallmark card. She looks to me for guidance. What can I say? I know God is able. I know His timing is perfect, but she doesn’t want to hear that.

I…I should listen (which I did) and as I heard her voice sound so, so without possibility, I realize how different we’ve become. I’ve been distracted from church (the institution), but I stayed connected to people who lifted me up, encouraged me. People who were concerned about doing street work (that’s the activist in me…I’m always looking to connect with hurt people and seeing how I can help them, which always helps get the fire in me hotter) and people who were about acting on His word, not just listening. They were some of my closest friends. She doesn’t have that. She just has me and I…I just listen.

I feel ungrateful, inappreciative because I have 5 beautiful, healthy children who are often driving me up the wall. I don’t talk about them a lot (well, I used to didn’t talk about them much) because that’s not how I am. I’m not as mushy and as sentimental as she is. I’m not as particular as she is (My son needs a haircut so bad, but I am not beating myself up about it or feeling inadequate on this one). She wanted the big family. She wanted the girl twins so that she could do their hair alike and dress them the same–in designer clothes, no doubt. Her six year old is lonely and really wants siblings. I don’t understand it. See…I needed to be prayed up.

I don’t blame God for things in life that don’t seem right. He is the master of all and He has a great plan for all of us. Pain will come, but joy will come in the morning. Uggh. Sounds good to me. She’s not feeling it. She’s just sorta kinda listening. I stayed awake past my bedtime again because I wanted to just get this off of my mind and not go to bed feeling…guilty, I guess. I’ll make a better effort to go to bed tomorrow, but she deserved the extra prayer time.

I love you gurl. I’m so sorry and as much as I’m not touchy feely, you always know that my prayers make changes in the Earth. You will have the family you desire. God planted that desire in your heart. Acknowleddge Him and he’ll direct your path. In bed by midnight, check! Up by 5…we’ll see.

© 2006 DahGurl.