advice

The Answer to Teenage Pregnancy

Now you know I got a lot of answers because the world is full of questions. Today, I figured out a next level solution to teenage pregnancy. All SAHMs take notes, this is some powerful stuff. I said SAHMs because we tend to havew some flexibility in scheduling and can probably take on this project between the hours of 3-5 p.m. and I think if properly implemented, this could be revolution. Check this:

Invite a young sistah who’s smelling herself (as my grandmother would say…modern-day translation: Think she’s gotta goin’ on/thinks she’s a woman in physique, in mind, in deed) to spend some time with you, a little mentorship situation. Pick her up from school around 3 p.m. with the kids in the car and begin training with the 300,564th rendition of Eensy Weensy Spider (or your version might be Itsy Bitsy Spider…not important) blaring when she gets in the car. Of course, she would rather hear Chingy or T.I. (neither of whom I know, but I saw them on the BET award one year which means they must be cool, right?) but she is going to be polite and probably comment on how cute it is. Next, start your errands and leave her in the car with the kids, no snacks and no music. Now you could do this while in the store, but some kids know how to act in public, so she won’t get the full effect. After taking about 30-40 minutes in the grocery store, she’s probably ready to quit, but you ain’t done yet. Once you’re done shopping, take Ms. Thang and the kids back to your house and pretend your electricity is cut off–no TV, no microwave, no DVD, no music, no phone, no nothing except the video camera that you’ve been charging all day. I tell you that even if she is superbad, superstrong, is great with kids, by the time she has danced around with the baby while the other one is pulling on her leg wanting a story or while the two bigger kids are arguing over who ate the last fruit snack, she’s going down.

After today and I am a mama, I’m convinced that we need to stop taping all of these mushy, gushy stuff and get real! Start taping the Terrible Twos that start at 18 months. You remember…oh, you don’t…let me help you. BBB had to go to the Imani’s dentist appointment. I am at the dentist office, small waiting area and BBB knocked over 30 magazines off of various tables, threw blocks at all of his siblings along with a few choice employees, screamed at his brother for picking up the crayons that he had knocked all over the floor and threw a toy drum (of course, I had toys, books, snacks…and none of the sh#$ worked) on my leg. In just one hour. Of course, I had a revelation (trying to replace revelation with mental brekadown). What if I had taped this season instead of the first birthday or when my babies were sleeping or playing nicely with their siblings? What if? I dare to speculate, but I could probably guess at least I wouldn’t be crazy enough to schedule an hour long appointment and expect a toddler to act like…an 8 year old.

Alright, ladies, find your mentee and help her get understanding. They are only cute for a minute and if you ain’t get yourself together, it’s a dayum short minute!

© 2006 DahGurl.