balance

In the line at the buffet

My father is awful. He says the meanest stuff about people at the buffet, even though he likes buffets and he is not the thinest man in the world.

“Shawn, do you ever notice how many obese people are at the buffet? Look at all of the stuff that he is putting on that plate. And do you notice that they travel in large groups so they won’t notice that they are huge? It’s sad, I tell you, real sad.”

Oooo, Daddy. I can’t believe that you would say that out loud. I’m standing there watching people put so much on their plate and thinkin’ “Don’t they realize that that’s not healthy, that that’s too much. Aren’t they going to get sick or even worse, don’t they care about their quality of life?” Hmmph. I think some of my friends are looking at me like I’m looking at the overweight/obese folks at the buffet.

I have a lot on my plate. True dat. Yet, I feel a little compassion for the people at the buffet because they’re always there, they’re used to going up to the line 10 times or more. Having a lot on their plate is just their m.o. and I’m the same way. I remember Joyce Meyer saying at a conference I attended that she’s had young adults working for her and after 2 to 3 weeks, they would quit because they were so tired, so overwhelmed and they didn’t know how she was able to handle everything on her plate. Her response: This is what God gave me to do. Don’t ever try to figure me out because you ain’t me. Figure out what works for you and just be who God called you to be. Man, she set me free that day. No, I am not comparing myself/my life/my schedule to that of an international author/teacher/television evangelist, but what she said about herself does apply directly to me. I’m in line at the buffet AGAIN and as much as I get down/frustrated, I feel that this is who God made me and leadership is another way that God plans to use me for the kingdom and I…I’m done running.

Here’s the deal: For as long as I can remember, I’ve been the leader. I was sitting in Mrs. Jones Kindergarten class and I was helping the other kids read and learn their letters. She moved me to the other Mrs. Jones class (3rd grade at the age of 5, oooh, I won’t go there right now) and Mrs. Ella Jones (one of my favorite teachers) said “You sit in the front. I can tell you want to know what’s going on.” Even after the kids tried to beat me up and get me to do their homework, she said “I see the strength in you. You can’t be broken. You’re a leader.” Although I didn’t stay in the 3rd grade long (my family was beginning to fear for my safety and my cousin advocated that I would be socially disfunctional if I went to college at the age of 14), I remembered what Ms. Ella Rae said and she was the first one that I recall saying it, but I’ve heard it all of my life. I could be sitting somewhere minding my own business and I get recruited to do something, run something, build something. It sounds burdensome, but I believe it’s my lot in life. It bothers people who are close to me. They want to protect me –”You’re just doing too much. You gonna crash and burn. Don’t end up like your cousin/aunt now (that’s the strain of mental illness amongst women in my family that just kinda hovers over everyone and no one wants to address it) or they want to console me/pity me/try to understand me–”Why do you put some much in your plate? You can’t possibly do anything well. Are you avoiding something?” I’ve had many years to adjust/accept/understand/reject these responses. I’m trusting God in a way that I haven’t in a long time and I’m pretty excited. He trusts me, so I gotta do a better job at trusting Him.

Let’s see what I have on my plate now.

Wife of traveling public intellectual with a few irons in the fire. Check. Mother of 5 children. Check. Homeschooling 4 of them. Check. Household Manager. Check. President of one of the largest African American homeschool groups in the area. Check. Writer of the best blog for women ever. (Woo..whoo. Thanks Ce’ for checking my negative thinking. I know that there are more than 6 of you and I’m believing God for some awards/rewards next year, so I won’t talk like that anymore). Check. Now, Oopps…wait…gotta get another plate in my second hand because you know the true people at the buffet got 2!! full plates, one in each hand. Ok…got the second plate…let’s put weekly blogger at Parenting.com over there. Check. Sister/Friend/Coach/Daughter to many. Ah, two checks. And the latest spoonful on the second plate. Leader of a developing business ministry at my church.

Uggh…stop looking at me…I know it seems like a lot, but I’m not going to get in a big group like the people my dad talked about…I’m kinda used to flying solo in this section of the buffet…no, I really can handle it because I’m not totally solo. My partner is bad, might I even say supernaturally bad, He can handle it. He can even stop me if I did something, put something there that wasn’t supposed to be there. Just knowing that He got my back made the plates a little lighter.

© 2006 DahGurl.