parenting

Proud mama needs to write a book

Even though I am keeping myself busy (how can I not?), it is wierd having only one child and one who is pretty much independent and self-sufficient. I miss the rest of the crew, but I am enjoying this time with just me and Boo (I think I have to stop calling her that when she’s 13, right? Did you have a nickname? Do people close to you still use it? When did they stop?).

Anyway, Imani and I have been doing stuff we never could do with everyone else like window shop, watch “chick flicks” (and can I say that we need another category between PG-13 and rated R…some of the stuff I saw this weekend…too much for anyone between 13 and 17), make cookies/brownies and actually have them for more than a day, talk about stuff without getting interrupted. I’m excited, but I’m more excited for her. It takes a lot to be the oldest child (ooh, that reminds me that I have to review the New Birth Order Book) especially in a large family compounded by the fact that we homeschool. In other words, she doesn’t get a lot of time to kick back, be herself, learn about herself in solitude. She shares a room with her now 5 year old sister Niara who likes to hide things that don’t belong to her in strange places (like Imani’s glasses were once discovered in a shoe box behind Niara’s bed), who likes to turn every object into an art project (like Imani’s knitting yarn has been used as outfit for Niara’s teddy bear) and who isn’t very nice when she doesn’t get her way (”Imani, you are the worse sister ever.”-after Imani made her take off those black and pink argyle thick tights when it was 90 degrees outside). Like I said, it’s not easy. My friends tell me how mature yet age-appropriate she is (you know that’s important in this day and age where pre-teen daughters are telling their moms that they want to lipstick and push-up bras so that they can be sexy like Beyonce). I think she’s considerate, smart, sensible, goofy…definitely on her way to being 13, but when you hear about so many people who have teenager issues, it can rock your confidence a bit.

But yesterday, I got a much-needed confidence boost.

Imani volunteers at church as part of her Purity in Life training program. I had her work in the media ministry where she can learn how to produce commercials/promotional videos and print promotional materials. (Homeschooling Tip: Try to make the best use of YOUR time. Find activities that can serve as double duty. This is not just volunteer work, but this is also going in her portfolio and on her resume in a few years…gotta multi-task.) As I was picking her up yesterday, my pastor, who I work with often in varying ministries, says to me, “She’s following in your footsteps-hard-working, smart, good head on her shoulders. You should be proud. I see why you’re a parenting expert.”

YEAH, ME! I felt a victory dance coming on, but I restrained it. You don’t want the chuch peeples (spelled differently for emphasis) to question your sanctification ‘cuz you know how to do the tootsie roll.

A rush of emotions came at me at once. I was humbled, proud, excited, scared…all at once. I didn’t know what I was doing as a parent in the beginning, but I knew that I had to be me and I had to fight for each one of my children’s right to be who they are/who they were created to be, not who my parents, who my in-laws, who we think they should be. It may sound easy to do, but it ain’t. We want so much for our children to be…fill in the blank…well-rounded, better dressed, smarter, richer, whatever. Sometimes what we want consumes us and then suffocates the child. Saw it a lot in college. Children want to please their parents…shoot I see grown folks still trying to prove it to their family and friends.

You wonder why I said scared? Because I know you only get one chance when it comes to parenting and it’s scary to think that God trusted me to take this job…this heart-wrenching, never-resting, minimal training, no clear career path having job with crappy pay and delayed benefits FIVE times. I mean, wow! Imani has been pretty easy. I get her most of the time. We are a lot alike separate from the fact she’s pretty suburban/sheltered and I’m for sure urban/mildly exposed. But, boys? I didn’t have brothers. Then…a diva. I don’t want to elaborate on the possibility, but it is possible that my five year old is a totally different animal. She’s like the good parts of me and the bad parts that people instill in her because of the whole cute thing. You know we have to watch what we say to little girls early in life because that stuff can truly go to your head and make you bratty. I thank God I’m her mother and that I seek God strong on her behalf. She gets a lot of attention and it sometimes makes me uncomfortable. I concern myself with her safety more than any of the other kids. There is a lot of hate, jealousy, unhappiness in the world. You better know somebody, something bigger than you to call on when you need peace of mind. My youngest daughter is as much prayer warrior as she is diva. I take great confidence in what they’re becoming and I realize now that as much as I think I wasn’t prepared, maybe I was…raised by a large extended family, spent years learning/studying human behavior (casually not formally), watched familial relationships everywhere, interviewed friends about how they were parented and kept meticulous notes. I questioned for years, why me? I mean working full time with one child was a breeze for me…spending time nurturing a marriage and five children…well, it’s worth writing a book about it.

What are some of your concerns when it comes to raising children/parenting? Where are you frustrated? What areas make you proud? List your questions or comments and you can be included in my new book on parenting to be released in the Spring, 2008.

© 2007 DahGurl.