parenting

Family opinions cause more stress, homeschooling uncertain

It’s been three weeks since four of my children have been in Michigan with both sets of their grandparents. Everything sounds well over the phone.  My oldest son, age 9, has taken on the challenge of reading the entire Harry Potter series in record breaking time. In two days, he completed Book One and was upset that he couldn’t complete Book Two in the same amount of time. My younger son did see his favorite book series in the library, but said “I am just going to read maybe two at a time. I don’t want to read forever like Kamari (the oldest son).” My newly five-year-old daughter has taken the role of Lil Mama to whole new level. She is learning her letters and numbers, still frustrated because I haven’t taught her to read yet and when I ask her if she’s been treating her brothers nicely, her response is, “Well, yeah, but one of them is calling me names, Kiserian (seven year old) shares with me sometimes and Khari (the BBB) is always talking baby and I don’t talk baby.”  Oh, the baby…well, let’s say he’s a record breaker. My dad, who loves to take the kids to those family-style buffet restaurants like Old Country Buffet or Fire Mountain Grill, has always had this Friday routine at his favorite place and the staff would always compliment him on how well the children behaved. Yesterday, Friday the 27th, was different. Dad called:

“Shawn, as you know I always get compliments on how well the Spence children behave when I take them places, but today, we did something different. We took the baby. Not only didn’t we get any compliments for the first time, we had one couple relocate and I think some people clapped when we left. The streak is now broken.”

Our little baby, the last Spence on our side, is blazing a new trail. Boyfriend is all-boy, full of life and he just doesn’t know what to do with all of that joy.

Neither does my mother.

She tries so hard not to say what’s on her mind, but she just can’t do it. See there were several reasons why we decided to let the kids visit and why they are visiting for a long period of time (I’m saying long, but it won’t be as long as it has been in the past) and one of those reasons is so that we can pack up and dedicate some time to looking for a house. We have attended workshops, looked into programs and it’s looking pretty bleak. Of course, my mom had to weigh in.

“So are you looking for a house?”

“Yes, mother. (I could tell by the tone in her voice that this conversation was going to give me a headache.)”

“And you’re still just looking in the city?”

“Yes mother. Most suburban communities are not built for 7 people in a home.”

“Well, that’s just ridiculous. You need to go somewhere so you can send this kids to school and don’t have the riff-raff hanging around your house like they do now.”

“I know how you feel about this mom, but communities with good schools have real high prices and higher taxes. We’re trying to get back on our feet, so we’re interested in something that will definitely increase in value over two years, but it won’t be our dream house.”

“I’ve seen what’s in Baltimore City and I couldn’t possibly have my family living in that mess. Your priorities are all out of whack.”

Ding. Ding. Ding. Round 1. She wins. I’m not going to let her attack me as usual right now.

“Thanks for watching the kids mom. Love you. Talk to you later.” And yes, I hung up.

Our parenting choices, life choices are always under scrutiny, always great fodder for the dinner chats. I would love to say that it doesn’t bother me, but it has taken a grave toll on me. I have to sort through the care, the constructive criticism and the negativity and the blatant attempts to break me and mold me into something that looks more like her vision for my life. Rarely, do I come back in these situations and tell her what I think, how I feel, what I know because I feel that I have to be quiet to show that I’m grateful and appreciative.

Isn’t that what we tell our children?

“Don’t complain about the asparagus…just eat it and be grateful Aunt Vicki made some for you. ” “I didn’t ask your opinion about the dress/the shoes/the class. This is what I want for you, so shut and be grateful.”

As I prepare for another exciting school year, I also dealing with the idea that DH would like me to put the kids in school as well because it would take some financial pressure off of us. I so get that, but there are so many other costs, some hidden, that no one but me seems to see.

If the charge for us as parents is to give the kids the best educational opportunities possible, then homeschooling is it for my family hands down. But I’m quietly fighting in a sinking ship…I’ve applied to be adjunct faculty at several colleges and universities…many are hiring business professors because of the evening executive education wave. I know something is going to break through for us in terms of housing and in terms of finances…just pray that I don’t snap or crumble in the process.

Ever been under a lot of pressure and felt that you would come out a better person in the end? Ever wondered why things were happening in your life and wanted to quit, cave, run in the opposite direction? Did the choices you make during this time represent fear or faith? Please share. I could use some company right now. 

© 2007 DahGurl.