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Mom takes accelerated approach to life, gets banged up in a freakish halt
No, no, no. Not another car accident. More like, uh, uh, mental butting of the head into a brick wall known as reality. So, no excuses for my absence. Just the real like you may not have seen it before.
Four weeks into the school year and everyone is still standing. My oldest daughter is so getting a blast of a one on one educational experience, but so many inadequacies and insecurities have surfaced since she has to be tested into the high school where DH HAS to have her go. Yeah, I want to say that I gotta it all together, that I got so much free time now that I have 3 kids in traditional school and the baby is in nursery school, but the fact is…I’m under more stress trying to get my family into a new routine than I ever was while we homeschooled. Where is the extra time I ask? Try this…The extra time is in the 40 minute roundtrip ride to the nursery school daily/the 45 minute wait in between the start of school and the start of the nursery school/the errands to the grocery store/pharmacy (did I tell that DH got an ear infection and was out of commission for a day or so, so we need to factor in getting him to the doctor’s office and then off to work….55 minutes)/dollar store (for the snacks or the extra craft projects)/Staples (do you know how many trips it took to get everything on those friggin’ lists?)…not to mention that I have some personal hurdles that had to be conquered prior to me running out of the house every day to join the infamous rat race with the rest of the…well, let’s call it something else since I have some rodent issues….let’s say the work force for now. What are some of these issues you ask?
1. All of the clothes in my closet are 2 to 3 sizes too big.
2. Those clothes are reflective of a pregnant/nursing/financially challenged/not going anywhere nice woman i.e. mom jeans, sweat pants, and hand me downs from my sister who dresses like…uh, a cross between Mary Tyler Moore and Barbie. (HELP!)
3. In the Go Back to Work plan, no one figured out who’s going to pick up the baby from school at 2, the kids from school at 3, get them out of their uniform clothes, help with the homework, get dinner ready and on the table by 6 and have them in the bed with baths, made lunches, packed back packs, brushed teeth and laid out clothes by 8:30.
People have asked me for over 10 years…How do you do it? You must love children. You must be a saint. You must be so organized. You must be really patient…NONE of these assumptions are accurate, but in the past, I just smiled, nodded my head and said, “Well, God has given me the grace and the mercy to handle such a large lot in life. It’s just what I do.” I’ve been speeding through life, making things happen, feeding people a crock of baloney.
Truth is…I don’t know how I’ve done it either and I think a lot of people around me are starting to realize…Man, she does A LOT!
That’s it. I got hit by a dose of reality when I slowed down and gave myself permission for the first time EVER in life to NOT be Dahgurl, to not be the one that has it all together, to not be the make it happen/go to chick. I’m so noncommittal, flaky even and guess what, I’m entitled. 36 years of planning to take over the world and now I just want to take a bath with some candles and a BIG bucket of chocolate covered strawberries. I’ve been speeding, achieving, doing everything for everybody and the reality crash all over me…I ain’t all that and I don’t have to be. I’ve wanted to dig in and tell you all about the 22 hours that I had that crazy cat and how my daughter had an extreme allergic reaction/couldn’t sleep for over a week and my other kids are still crying at night because when I returned it (since my daughter almost had a friggin’ asthma attack), they cried for dayum near 5 hours! I’ve wanted to go deep and tell you how I don’t feel like the system is going to prepare my children and how guilty I feel that they didn’t have more time to adjust to a different environment (DH is trying to figure out how to address the behavior problems in the second grade. Think he’s planning a parent revolution. Don’t be surprised if he starts writing letters to folks and getting more parents to come into the class and check out their bad a$$ kids in action). But instead of talking about parenting and projects…for the next weeks, I’ll be talking about how to locate yourself after you’ve been lost. Or better yet, how NOT to lose yourself…not sure if I’m ready to spek on that one yet. Much love to those of you who emailed me. I’m not far…just a little full at the moment. Thanks.
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6 comments for “Mom takes accelerated approach to life, gets banged up in a freakish halt”
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Well, I have learned this in my now 40 years that it takes a lot to find yourself and then put yourself in to action to be who you and God want you to be.
Whew I hope you get some you time really soon.
I love reading your posts…so insightful! Yeah, when you have so many responsibilities and roles to juggle and play, you can loose yourself in the mix…finding time for self can be hard, but like you say, it is definitely a necessity! -make your moments!
Whew! I can totally relate and hope you get to take some time out for you.
This topic has been on my mind for a while. In fact, I just started a blog and started it off with a discussion on how we need to take better care of ourselves (in part so we can take better care of others).
We feel and see the affects when we don’t do it. I’m on the search for ways we can take better care of ourselves without guilt, a lot of time or money. I’ll keep you posted.
In the meantime, I pray you get re-energized and have plenty of peace, endurance, creative solutions, and joy.
Yes, who ever thought this BS was easy is full of it. I do know that it is IMPOSSIBLE to do it all. You cannot take the kids to school, go to work for 6 hours (8 is out of the question really) pick them up, help them with homework, make a nourishing meal, do the dishes, do the laundry, walk the dog, read a book, do sit ups, and put on something slinky for the hubby at the end of it all. You can’t do it. And how we lose it is in the choices. Which of those things do we make a priority. Sadly, our husbands probably are the first to go right after the nourishing meal. We opt for non-nourishing ease and then marital neglect. Of course self-care took a back seat a LONG time ago, so we lament it but it’s so far gone it’s like a childhood friend we’ve lost touch with and we have no idea where to get her number to call her up and say hello. So we have to choose. And try not to feel guilty. And hope we made the right choice. Is it because we’re the same age that our lives have this bizarre parallel universe thing going on in them? I’m thinking of you. Hope you are getting through it all. Understandably your blog is a non-priority right now. Email me if you have time. Love ya!!
You sound like someone who could really benefit from a community like opmom.com. It has tools to help you keep up with your family’s busy schedules, medical records, appointments, playdates, and even plan meals. It can be a real lifesaver for a busy mom.