Of course, you’re wondering what “it?” Well, the headline is a little trick so let me explain…The idea of developing habits makes me wanna cuss! Yes, as much as I believe I’m getting better and that God is strengthening, I have some bad habits that just won’t go away. Uh, Correction. That are going to go away with a fight.
Now, if I have bad habits and everyone else in my house have different bad habits, what do you think that makes the house? Sometimes, most of the time, a hot mess. For example, we have this thing in our house that we have “house” shoes and street shoes…even though I am one of the few people here who adhere to it, but that’s what I try to get everyone to do it. See dirt is hardwood floors worse enemy and since time has not been so nice to the floors, well I try to keep as much dirt off. Also, the kids have issues with keeping pairs of shoes together, so if they take them off at the door, then they can find them in the morning. right?
Well, this system never really worked given that there are so many people in our family that you spend all day tripping over shoes if you get anywhere near the door. Crazy, huh? But we’ve been doing it for awhile. I’ve tried a shoe bin, a cubby hole and none of that works. There just isn’t any space to get it around, so I’m thinking about how to change this (and many other habits in my house). As I started thinking about the bad habits of myself and my family members, I got a bit overwhelmed and started to get frustrated.
Habits…I teach the Seven Habits and I know how crucial they are to our overall success in life. When I was running a successful home based business when I had no family nearby and small children, I developed the habit of waking up at 5 AM, so that I can think, organize my office, write down what I had to do that day, get fully dressed in nice clothes (it was part of what I did). I had to “find” time or “make” time. I realized that my old habits had to change in order for me to do what I attend to do–daily blogging, develop an internet radio brand and coach families on being wholly successful. So, I wrote down my bad habits, well the ones that are preventing from reaching my goals (I mean, I didn’t have an entire day. ) and then I had to put a new habit IN PLACE of it. The last step is so key that it is the reason why people are often not successful with dieting. You focus on what you want to take out or decrease, but you don’t always focus on what you add or increase, so when you get hungry or tired and you have no solutions and it is easier to just do what you were already doing.
Ok.
Time to get the bad habits out and the good habits in! Below is my starter list and I want YOU to share some of your (or your family’s bad habits) and what you’re going to do to change it.
1) Shoes by door. I am going to ask everyone to take them off at the door AND put them under their bed in their room.
2) Not enforcing the chore chart. I am going to be consistent with disciplinary action by writing down the infractions daily and then implementing the punishment on the weekend….when they can feel it.
3) Start to organize my paperwork and never finish. I am going to finish my file cabinet organizing and ONLY open mail at my desk. Does your mail have legs?
4) Not working out consistently. I am going to get a walking partner and commit to at least three days a week.
5) Laundry hampers being used as storage containers. YIKES! I am going to have a laundry sorting system where the hampers are dumped and then returned to their rightful place. Simple, but UGGH…a thorn in my side.
Now, remember…I got a ton of bad habits, but I’m only listing a few to get you to think about what habit is keeping you from achieving your goals, ANY goal! Can’t wait to read your list

Well, I gotta tell you that I was not planning to do anything special for Mother’s Day, but a good friend of ours from college invited us to D.C. to have dinner and to just hang out. After a hectic day in the nursery at church (it’s once a month and I tell you…I couldn’t do more…it is not easy dealing with your children when you’re working…BBB, bighead, bigcheeked baby, for you new readers…he was off the hook), I took a nap, but the kids were so excited to go to our friend’s house. It warms my heart that we’ve extended their sphere of safe people and safe places. You all know that I just don’t let my kids hang out anywhere, especially at “family” gatherings, but this was different.
I got up late/we rushed to DC/food was good/fellowship was great and then…we got to talking. You know how we do after the grub, we have to sit and chat a bit.
I try to avoid touchy topics in mixed company. I’m pretty passionate about my issues-education, child rearing, family, politics. I just try to listen, but they kept drawing me in.
“Your daughter is so mature and well spoken. That is so awesome.”
“Thank you!” (Oh, the proud mama moments come just when you need them)
“I just don’t know how you do it with 5 kids. I take my hat off to you.”
“Thanks. It’s not easy, but it’s definitely worth it. I’m pretty hard on ‘em.” (Now why did I say that? I…I think I’m opening up a can)
See, I realized recently that not everyone is hard on their children. Actually, in my opinion, parents are a little soft, like pillow soft, like…punk soft. When did parents have to ask their children permission for stuff? When did children start sharing their feelings about what they don’t want to do? Ok, ok, I’m not going to tell you where the conversation led or who said what. Other than me making comments like,
“Walking out of my house looking like a trick on the street is not happening…no matter how much their exploring their femininty.”
“Who cares what other people are doing? I’m setting the friggin standards in this piece, I was chosen to carry them for 10 months, not society.”
“I don’t let my kids hang out with too many people at our house because my basic rule is if you’re hanging with mine, I’m treating yours like I do mine. If you don’t want them disciplined like I do it, keep your kids at home and we’ll meet at the park.”
Yeah, it sounds harsh to some, old-fashioned to others and you know what, I don’t care. You judge a tree by its fruit and ounce for ounce, I got good fruit.
So, to all of the mothers, young and old, who care enough about their children to show them the craziness of this world from a distance and to give them safe places to grow and flourish without getting sucked into the craziness, to the moms that are NOT being punked by their kids…Happy Mothers Day!

How do you say Thank You to people you may never meet? How can you convey the choked up, holding back the tears feeling after reading a blog comment and realize that people get you, feel you, are with you? Well, to the best blog readers in all of the land, the two simple words that truly mean what they say: Thank You. I’ve gotten emails, scriptures, jokes, straight up “Hey Girl” messages from all of you and I…I just don’t know what to say, except for Thank You.

See as many of you, I am the Go To Gal, the Make It Happen chick…I make it do it what it do, baby! And when I’ve done what I can do in my strength, my faith has always seen me through, but this time, this shattering of my confidence, came quickly and fierce. And it came from every side, but the tricky part is it’s come mostly from the inside. That’s where the stronghold lies. I put in greatness, possibilities, but I didn’t dejunk, reprogram, so when I needed solutions, answers I pulled out some junk, some deep junk. And only through intervention, professional intervention, have I had to sort out what I was taught and what I believe.

I won’t bore you with my results-oriented, conditionally loving upbringing. I’ve tried to steer away from the discussion on parents trying to live vicariously through their children, but I will turn this into a couple of parenting notes and make it more about how I parent, than about how I was parented (love my parents/don’t want to open the can/mother hasn’t made this choice easy though).

As a parent, you make choices and you want your children to learn from your mistakes, but how you convey your mistakes is so important to the overall emotional health of your children. For example, if you got involved with the “wrong” man (I put wrong in quotes for reasons I’ll explain later), then you don’t have to punish every young man who looks like him and is dating your daughter. Don’t make prejudicial statements like “Oh, he’s from that side of town. You know he knows good.” “He’s an only boy. Oh, he will never leave his mother for you.” See we, as women, are prone to wear our mistakes, our issues on our sleeves like badges. Stop it! Raise your child to think for themselves and let them think through their choices.

And

Be there for them without judgment. Man, I pray that I will NEVER tell my children…”I told you so.” “I knew I was right all along.” No matter how right you were, petty vindication or any form of public vindication just ain’t sexy, it’s not welcoming. I heard my Pastor say that people who criticize you, do it because they don’t understand you. Wow! I’m pretty un-understandable. I am not even a “kid” person per se, but I will go to bat for my children. I’ve nurtured, some may say smothered my children and to think that in just a few short weeks, their lives are going to be like something that even us as parents have never seen…2 working parent household.

WHOA!

I haven’t been doing a lot of praying as much as I have been just reflecting. Give yourself credit for what you’ve done in your life no matter how small or insignificant you think it is. We are our worse enemy. The one thing I’ve learned in this process is that I forgive others easily (for the most part  :lol: ), but I don’t forgive myself. I beat up on myself so tough, my girl Ce’ says It’s worse than those 6o’s Batman episode: BAM! SLAP! URRGGH! You guys know what I’m talking about. Please forgive yourself. You can turn it around, whatever you’re facing just by saying I wish my mistakes didn’t hurt so bad/cost me so much, but I am grateful for another day to make things better, to turn it around and the challenges only strengthen my testimony.

We were asked to encourage one another in His word (1 Thes. 3:2, 4:18) and you all came through for me. I got a call from my old friend Stephanie in Ann Arbor and she’s been listening to my show (I LOVE my show, but I have considered quitting because…I’m not going to be Dahgurl like yall know her and I don’t want to…it’s silly but this is the kinda stuff that plays in my head all of the time) and she talked about how this is my season and how she can just hear the shift to being more like the me before children/household management/homeschooling. Talked to Candace at church and she was telling me how she listens on her iPod every week while she’s at the gym. Oh and Marnita stopped me at the church picnic telling me how she’s so proud of me and loves hearing me do my thing. And then you guys…Yolanda, Michele, others of you…I just say Thank You for doing what we’re all called to do, so lastly, if you feel like you’re at the end of a short rope, encourage someone else, give them a kind word, a song, a scripture, a referral to a good massage therapist.

It can get lonely, confusing, daunting…even for the Can Do sistahs. I’ve had to learn to breathe through the panic and to write down the anxiety triggers. I know that once the major deals are closed, specifically the relocation to a better school district and the full-time employment at an above-entry level position is going to help tremendously. Life happens. Don’t let it knock you off your feet, but if it does, dust yourself off and hope you got a nice pedicure when everyone’s trying to figure out how to stand you back up and help you out (i.e. take care of you).

Us Mamas have to stay on top of our personal emotional, mental and physical health and appearance.  Thanks…I’m getting back on track/keep you posted…appreciate all of the love.

I often wonder do some of my children get more props, more blog time than others. When I was writing for the Parenting Post, I used to always take turns writing about each one of the children. Some of favorites, though, were about my younger son or technically, my middle child. Now, I’ve told you that I don’t like the title of “middle child” because that…that just sets you up for feeling torn, confused. So, instead of calling him the middle child or the younger boy, I’ve given him some nicknames that really match his personality like Old Soul, Love Machine, YPW (young prayer warrior), or the latest is Lil Man (remember earlier this week, he’s the one who has the style of walking around topless). He has always had this calm, helpful, laid-back personality. It’s been a wonderful contrast to my strong headed oldest son. I’ve always counted on him to go with the flow, not argue, n0t complain. But recently, all of this has changed and I don’t know how to handle it.

Sometimes as parents we can pinpoint a situation, an issue that may cause our children to change their outlook on life. For my oldest daughter, she had a couple of bully incidents which made her strengthen her confidence and learn to “be quiet and watch” and not assume that everyone is going to be friendly to you. My oldest son is just overall cautious, insightful and not easily influenced and I don’t expect him to change much. But with Kiserian? I just don’t know what happen. It’s like a full moon or his under arm odor (he doesn’t like baths or showers because they take too long and he doesn’t do a good job (since I often have to send him back because he left soap somewhere), so why bother?) has caused his personality to shift. He speaks up about what he doesn’t want, what he doesn’t like; he talks back to me and questions the decisions that I make; he is defiant and doesn’t want to listen to his siblings for help, for guidance, for anything. I just don’t know what to do other than yell, punish him, tell him that this is out of character and I want him to really think about his actions. He’s crying all of the time, throwing tantrums like he’s 3 year olds. Somebody, anybody, help a mama out, please!

Of course, I consulted DH, wondering if I should get him some counseling or something (hey, I am so pro-therapy for any and all…matter of fact, we need to include therapy in our universal health care plan) and DH, as always, thinks I’m overreacting. “He’s just getting older. He’s growing up, finding his way. Leave him alone and let him grow. ” So, what I heard was, “You got the problem, not him. Stop trying to hold on to his current characteristics. He’s only 7. We still don’t know who he really is. Let him find out and we just love him through it.” WHAT? I can’t take change…household dynamics are already in flux with a sorta grumpy teenager (she’s changing, you know), a bossy/tricky 4 year old girl (she’ll be 5 on Friday…I’ll tell you about her celebration then), a 9 year old who is reading everything he can get his hands on , but needs to develop some personal interaction skills and use his big brother status for good and not evil…did I mention a toddler who is throwing everything that’s not stuck to the ground?

I need stability. Lil Man was my stability. I could always count on him to bring in the love, bring in the peace. I’m praying that this phase doesn’t last long and that I can go back to something that I know…but chances of that are happening…next to impossible.

Are you experiencing some growing pains in your house? Have aliens invaded the bodies of your sweet, innocent ones and turned them into…children? How did you handle it? Did you go off the deep end like me or are hiding in a corner scared to face it? Share your story because sistah needs some help.

I am passionate about leaving a legacy for my children. What does legacy mean to me? It means a rich inheritance of both material and non-material wealth. I don’t want to delve too much into this, but I want to leave this Earth better than it was while I was here and it starts with my children (well it starts with the belief in a Greater Power than yourself and for me, that’s Jesus Christ). For a long time, I thought it started with my talents and my degrees, but it starts from the heart. What’s in your heart?

Now, if you want some book suggestions, practical steps and tools for debt recovery, it’s in here, but please don’t ignore this little tidbit that I gathered/researched. I heard something while preparing this new book that I am writing on your credit score and how it shouldn’t determine your character, your employability or your self-worth. I decided to do an informal credit score survey and track emotional stability and credit incline/decline. And guess what? A quote that I heard somewhere applies, “Debt is related to lack or broken-ness, low self-worth or ignorance of self and its relationship to the world. ” Sounds crazy/deep/spooky/unrelated? Think about it.

• Young family, decided that a parent (usually a mom) stays at home. Family/friends associates that with some form of affluence and in order to keep that up, mom goes shopping, travels for weekend getaways–all the while not realizing that there should have been some adjustments in lifestyle since there were some adjustments in income.
• Because of the challenges in our economy, we live with very little savings (if any) and unprepared for the reality that we may be without work or underemployed, the LACK of knowledge on investing or the LACK of trust in stocks or even banks (yes, my grandmother preferred Bible Banking…”My money is safe and protected by the Almighty. No crooks gone get it there.” Can I get an Amen?).
• Divorce is a leading cause of financial challenges for women and credit cards tend to be the only available resource for the family to maintain some sense of normalcy (brokenness at work here)
• Recent graduates, not making enough money to pay off the student loan debt/too proud to go back home and make arrangements with their parents (parents don’t want them anyway), disappointed at where they’ve ended up/frustrated and impatient with the situation…low self-worth/self-doubt (why did I get that stupid degree? take that job? move into this apartment?) and emotional instability.
• Check your heart. Are you harboring some feeling from your childhood that you weren’t loved, so you go overboard with material things to prove that you are special, well taken care of? Are you mad at your parents for being poor, so you live LARGE because you don’t want to feel LACK again? Were your siblings treated better than you and you are buying your way to acceptance or to prove a point? Read the rest of this entry »