See as many of you, I am the Go To Gal, the Make It Happen chick…I make it do it what it do, baby! And when I’ve done what I can do in my strength, my faith has always seen me through, but this time, this shattering of my confidence, came quickly and fierce. And it came from every side, but the tricky part is it’s come mostly from the inside. That’s where the stronghold lies. I put in greatness, possibilities, but I didn’t dejunk, reprogram, so when I needed solutions, answers I pulled out some junk, some deep junk. And only through intervention, professional intervention, have I had to sort out what I was taught and what I believe.

I won’t bore you with my results-oriented, conditionally loving upbringing. I’ve tried to steer away from the discussion on parents trying to live vicariously through their children, but I will turn this into a couple of parenting notes and make it more about how I parent, than about how I was parented (love my parents/don’t want to open the can/mother hasn’t made this choice easy though).

As a parent, you make choices and you want your children to learn from your mistakes, but how you convey your mistakes is so important to the overall emotional health of your children. For example, if you got involved with the “wrong” man (I put wrong in quotes for reasons I’ll explain later), then you don’t have to punish every young man who looks like him and is dating your daughter. Don’t make prejudicial statements like “Oh, he’s from that side of town. You know he knows good.” “He’s an only boy. Oh, he will never leave his mother for you.” See we, as women, are prone to wear our mistakes, our issues on our sleeves like badges. Stop it! Raise your child to think for themselves and let them think through their choices.

And

Be there for them without judgment. Man, I pray that I will NEVER tell my children…”I told you so.” “I knew I was right all along.” No matter how right you were, petty vindication or any form of public vindication just ain’t sexy, it’s not welcoming. I heard my Pastor say that people who criticize you, do it because they don’t understand you. Wow! I’m pretty un-understandable. I am not even a “kid” person per se, but I will go to bat for my children. I’ve nurtured, some may say smothered my children and to think that in just a few short weeks, their lives are going to be like something that even us as parents have never seen…2 working parent household.

WHOA!

I haven’t been doing a lot of praying as much as I have been just reflecting. Give yourself credit for what you’ve done in your life no matter how small or insignificant you think it is. We are our worse enemy. The one thing I’ve learned in this process is that I forgive others easily (for the most part  :lol: ), but I don’t forgive myself. I beat up on myself so tough, my girl Ce’ says It’s worse than those 6o’s Batman episode: BAM! SLAP! URRGGH! You guys know what I’m talking about. Please forgive yourself. You can turn it around, whatever you’re facing just by saying I wish my mistakes didn’t hurt so bad/cost me so much, but I am grateful for another day to make things better, to turn it around and the challenges only strengthen my testimony.

We were asked to encourage one another in His word (1 Thes. 3:2, 4:18) and you all came through for me. I got a call from my old friend Stephanie in Ann Arbor and she’s been listening to my show (I LOVE my show, but I have considered quitting because…I’m not going to be Dahgurl like yall know her and I don’t want to…it’s silly but this is the kinda stuff that plays in my head all of the time) and she talked about how this is my season and how she can just hear the shift to being more like the me before children/household management/homeschooling. Talked to Candace at church and she was telling me how she listens on her iPod every week while she’s at the gym. Oh and Marnita stopped me at the church picnic telling me how she’s so proud of me and loves hearing me do my thing. And then you guys…Yolanda, Michele, others of you…I just say Thank You for doing what we’re all called to do, so lastly, if you feel like you’re at the end of a short rope, encourage someone else, give them a kind word, a song, a scripture, a referral to a good massage therapist.

It can get lonely, confusing, daunting…even for the Can Do sistahs. I’ve had to learn to breathe through the panic and to write down the anxiety triggers. I know that once the major deals are closed, specifically the relocation to a better school district and the full-time employment at an above-entry level position is going to help tremendously. Life happens. Don’t let it knock you off your feet, but if it does, dust yourself off and hope you got a nice pedicure when everyone’s trying to figure out how to stand you back up and help you out (i.e. take care of you).

Us Mamas have to stay on top of our personal emotional, mental and physical health and appearance.  Thanks…I’m getting back on track/keep you posted…appreciate all of the love.

Summer, summer, summer time.

Ooo, summer time. Got to sit back and unwind.

Yeah, Will Smith has a classic right there, but I am still trying to get to the sit back and unwind part.

Usually, this week, we’d be on the road for our 5 to 7 week pilgrimage back home. This year is different. As you all know or can imagine, it is difficult being an adult in the same place where you were once a child. Detroit is home for us, but it’s not home. We don’t live there anymore and we don’t see ourselves going back. Our families are there and so we sacrifice many weeks there so that the kids can bond with their extended family. Fortunately, there is high level of involvement from both sides of our families and I always feel tugged and pulled. Sometimes intentionally, most of the times, unintentionally.

If I feel like this just imagine what my perceptive, insightful children notice/discern between their relatives? So, we are hanging in Baltimore for the summer and although I am excited, I’m a little stumped. I’ve always sorta kicked back and gotten some R & R while our families love on the kids. Now, I have to adjust.

But look at what my husband and I piled on our plates because we were thinking out of habit and all of these things need to be done by the end of the summer:

• 2 1/2 books at about 50-60% each (we both are writing and I am looking for a multi-book deal while he wants to have at 50% of his book written before he submits it to a reviewer)
• Internet talk show, which I am looking to grow to a 25 live participants, 50 live listeners and 150 downloads by the end of the month (you guys can read tomorrow’s post and see how you can help with that)
• Rites of passage program for my daughter (you’ve been asking, so I am going to post about it this week. Scouts honor.)
• Business ministry work at church (I am developing a curriculum based on my first book teaching people how to start a business and build capacity. Start small, think and act big…another article, another article)
• Did I mention I want to enjoy the kids over the summer? UGGH! I hate that this part comes last, but I needed to vent a little.

As you know, the summer drains the brain. I’m sorry the proper term is summer learning loss does occur and I struggle as a homeschooler/WAHM/overachieving perfectionist on when to shut it down, when to lighten up, when to get over myself . What do I do to balance out the fact that I really have a full-time job schedule now that school is “out” and I have the kids here without a real summer plan?

1. I have a sitter come to the house ALL DAY on Monday (from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m.). Since my laptop is slow/needs RAM (ooh, how much we rely on speed from our technology, along with efficiency/convenience/design…YUCK!), I lock myself in the office on the G5 and I crank it out. I have two assistants, one of whom is a super-cool Virtual Assistant over at InTouch and I still feel like I’m not getting in the time I need, so I
2. Call my housekeeper and get her back on an every two week schedule. I don’t know how other women do it, but I am so thankful that I have choices and I choose writing, reading, praying, sharing to cleaning, ironing, laundry-ing any day of the week. Love cooking and so do the kids, but the shopping for the food. (Gotta look to see when PeaPod is going to be available in my neighborhood). Now, the kids have regular chores and I am going to get better about putting systems in place (oooh, I am going to save the chore and allowance system review for another time), but it seems like it’s never enough. I love fresh flowers on the dining room table, color coded household management files complete with an index and labeled clear boxes for all of our school crafts and other small items. But I will settle for stuff off of the floor, clutter in a box that’s stashed in the closet and strategic placed plug-ins to cover up the diaper smell. My, my, my…my standards are nonexistent, huh. For the kids,
3. I have a ton of great websites that I go to full of word searches, arts and crafts, mini-projects that they can do away from me. My faves are:

• Education World (strictly for the teacher/parent, tons of fun activities/variety of topics)
• Enchanted Learning (some of this is free/the bulk is for subscriber but it was worth the $20)
• Discovery School (great for all grades, focus on science/math)
• Emints (separated by grade level, then theme. this site as a teacher resource is comprehensive, updated links)
• FunBrain (focus is on grades K-8)
• CNN Student News (love this site. great table talk with the teens who don’t like to talk

Of course, the part of me needing to get over myself is true, so we had some fun this week.

For those of you just tuning in, you gotta go back to the beginning, kinda. My family came to a crossroads and after supporting my husband in his career choices, he wanted me to do something that I do naturally (talk/write/teach) on a larger scale. I was so open, but I realize now that I’m not a BMW (I’m asuming they can go from 0 to 60 in a minute or so, right?). I really thought that once I got into the flow of writing daily, that was it. But then came the book proposal and my editor saying to me, “I like your life coach voice. I like your not-so-pitiful, place of authority voice.” Ok, he didn’t say not-so-pitiful, but that’s what I heard. Funny how we do that.

Anyway, the book proposal was daunting because I’m not just a writer, I’m an editor and I’m a critical, obsessive editor (I think it’s an unwritten job requirement), so instead of releasing my energy to write, I stopped writing/slowed down writing to edit my stuff before I got it to the editor. As always, I submit my work unto God because I want to be in order, in time, in season…oh, we gotta talk about seasons and God was directing me in a slightly different place. He wanted me generating income for my household as a sign of support for not just my husband, but as a sign of faith for what is to come, so I started to expand my life coaching practice. I have over 10 individual clients and I have a group that I’m coaching all on a WEEKLY basis. Are you following me?

I went from just household managing (which is a full time job, even if I weren’t homeschooling because my husband travels, we’re rebuilding ourselves financially so we have a plan for that/doctors appointments/laundry/meal planning/physical household needs…you know the deal) AND homeschooling 3 kids while baby sitting 2 (I think that’s two full time job, but we’ll say one for now and this job requires prep time/planning for field trips and I’m the president of the homeschool group…ok, this is starting to sound like 2 full time jobs) to doing all of this plus writing, plus speaking, plus coaching…UGGH. I didn’t know what to do and how to do it, but I was frontin’ like I could do it. When you put it out there like this, I know now why people think I’m using some kind of illicit drug. My head and hands hurt just sharing this, BUT God’s grace is sufficient and I’m just starting to understand why I need His grace and mercy EVERY second of every minute of every day.

You all have your challenges as moms, as wives, as women and you think you got a lot going on and you don’t want to do it, you want to quit/bail/retire. Me too. What I was trying to do is do this, all of this, all of these blessings that are coming my way, all of these responsibilities that only lead to a legacy that I’ve always desired and I’m trying to do it all in my own strength. It’s not going to happen. I have to rely on a peace, a strength, a comfort that I hadn’t needed. See I’ve sought God’s loving kindness when I was just a mom and a wife.  As your life increases, your faith has to increase and I wasn’t exercising it at the same speed of the blessings, but I’m building it up. I’m going for quality products in all that I do and meeting the quantity demands.

I hope you all think about what’s on your plate and the stress that you’re experiencing and know that you’re not alone unless you choose to be. You don’t have to take sleeping pills because you’re so wound up at the end of the day. Take 10 minutes, just 10 minutes to be. To be thankful, to be silent, to be loving of yourself and those around you. Know that grace and mercy abounds and you can get it no matter what you’ve gotten yourself into in this season. Thanks for sticking with me. My turnaround season is now. I’m bringing it on.

Well it is Saturday and while I have many things I could be doing and should be doing…I really just feel like blowing some bubbles. Surprisingly enough, I actually have some (where I got them from I don’t know). I started out the year ready to blaze trails, kick butt, and take names. Then I realized that I have once again overextended my overachieving perfectionist self to the point of almost no return (emphasis on almost). It is time to move forward with less weight (literally and figuratively) and less baggage…for real! I have taken on too many tasks in my life and my mind. It appears that I am not the only one. It seems that the PMS Shawn was talking about has been going around to a lot of people around me, including me. There is the Pre Madness Syndrome-which prevents you from getting in over your head with tasks and over committing yourself so that you don’t get mad (the word No is highly recommended during this time). Then there is my favorite (and where I think I am at this very moment as I type), the Present Madness Syndrome-where things are spinning so out of control that you resort to crying and sitting in a corner blowing bubbles (because you forgot during Pre Madness that No was the ticket out). Pre Madness Syndrome is escalated to Present Madness Syndrome by the inability to say No to things that you know you should say No to. But like a young child who has just learned the word “No” for the first time (and it seems that is the only word they know), we can all slowly get back on track by opening our mouths to form “No’s” all over the place. Then there is the Post Madness Syndrome-where you work to rest and recover, prioritize your life, and get back on track (especially if you are still in a corner blowing bubbles). I am slowly but surely making my way to the Post stage.

So gurls, whatever stage you are in as you read this post (Pre, Present, or Post), please know that the Madness can and will end as long as you make the choices necessary for it to. If you have too many things on your plate, it is okay to clear it, wash it (put in the rinse cycle a couple of extra times), and start over. If you have chaos going on all around you, that you need to say No to or if you are 2 steps away from losing your mind, it is okay to go to the Dollar Store (now I remember where I got the bubbles) and get some bubbles to blow in a corner or outside if the weather is nice. Then take a deep breath, relax and get to work again..but only work on the things that you really need to.

I love writing.I love sharing. I think people tend to forget what life is all about–it’s about living. Living is doing/being/changing/stopping/regressing/growing/hurting/feeling. I mean, how could I be an effective life coach if I was in a glass bubble not experiencing life? Once again, I don’t need to ramble to you all. Here’s the other part to my lack o’ blogging as of late. I have not reconditioned my body to get up at 5 a.m. which really does work for me. I think I’ve learned, well I’m learning, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. I am better off when I go to bed between 10 and 11 and wake up at 5 a.m. My day seems to flow. Creativity and peace are at their peak. I also have not been working out like I would have liked and I know that’s effecting me as well. I’ve taken on some projects for others that have caused me to neglect or take away from my own stuff. I know, I know…I do say No without guilt when I’m led, but I haven’t been led to drop anything, let anything go. I’ve prayed and God told me to stand still and in another instance, He told me to help someone achieve what you’ve already achieved, in particular publish a book. What I’ve been doing is transcribing tapes/lectures and it was nt easy, but it only took me about 30 minutes per CD. After I got over the irritation of it, He reminded me that if I just taped my portion of the conversation when I’m coaching and helping people develop life changing strategies that I could be writing my next book. Hmmph. It pays to take time to listen to the voice of the Lord that lives inside of you. I am going to  buy some old school audio tapes (my iPod recorder is broken) and I am going to start doing some podcasts for you all that I will publish soon.

I guess I’m telling you all that I’m finding my new voice, one that I’m comfortable with and until then I kinda have no voice, but I don’t have a sore throat either. I think about what I would tell my client if she shared with me my dilemma, I would say, “What do you really want, really really want? and what makes you feel good/your best/at the top of your game? And when those two line up, do that.” Hmmph. Writing for an audience every day has always been my thing and the idea that I got it done daily regardless of what was going on in my life–now that was powerful. So, please send your comments. let me know that you’re checking me out/pulling for me and I’m going to readjust my schedule and get myself back up and running. Thanks for the love. I’ll get my voice back soon, real soon.

Well this recent revelation came as a result of my being a “busy body”, not in other men’s matters, but just being busy doing a whole lot of things that frankly, I am not sure I am supposed to be doing at all. I started another job working for a wonderful couple and their ministry, only to realize that I don’t think I really like the work I am doing. Not a big deal right? You just let them know that perhaps this is not the place for you. Sounds easy, but when you are still on Step 1 of the 12 step process, admitting you have the problem, then the problem actually still exists. Which means, it took a lot in me to actually admit to them that I wasn’t sure about this job. Why was it hard? I didn’t want to disappoint, I didn’t want to miss the mark, I didn’t know what people would think…and the list went on. I started to stress over what people would think about my leaving a job I’ve only been in a month. I heard people say give it some time, stay in a little longer. Now I am not saying you should jump from place to place. What I am saying is that you shouldn’t linger long on things you know in your heart may not be for you. If you are not passionate about it, if it doesn’t get you going in the morning, then re-evaluate your purpose and why you are doing what you are doing. If you are not sure, take a step back and re-evaluate the situation. If anything, you will learn what you don’t want to do…and that in itself will bring clarity. That is what I have been doing, that is where I have been and hopefully in the soon and very near future, I will not be circling that mountain anymore. But if somehow I do, I know that God will be waiting for me around that corner (while somehow managing to walk with me at the same time) to say “it is going to be alright.” After all, He knew that at this very moment I would be going through this very situation before I was even born. He also knows how the end will be and according to Him it will end in victory! Amen and Hallelujah! I feel a sudden motivation to move towards Step 2…and the game continues…duck, duck, duck, duck, duck….

My 2 year old is an incredible example of believing that you should have whatever you want when you want it. Now, I understand due process, but he doesn’t. He knows that he can’t reach the cups in the cabinet, so he pushes a chair up to the counter, climbs on the counter and get a cup. Does it matter if it’s glass or if it’s too big? Nope. He just knows that it’s a cup. Once he gets the cup, he goes to the refrigerator (I still can’t believe he is tall enough to reach the thing) and pushes the water spout (what do you call that?) and gets him some water. He walks in the living room, sits down on the couch and when he’s done, he just drops the cup and carries on his way.  I’ve learned a lot from my most independent child to date.

1. Nothing can stand in his way of getting what he wants. When he can’t reach the counter, he goes to the dishwasher. If he can’t open it (it’s sometimes not closed all of the way), then he goes and drags anyone in the house that’s bigger than him (including my oldest daughter) and takes them to the kitchen, points to the cabinet and says, “Cup, pease.”

2. He doesn’t wait to get results. Once he has a cup, he doesn’t even ask for the water. He knows his capabilities and he gets the water himself.
3. He takes pride in his achievement. His face lights up when he gets what he wants.

When I grow up, I think I want to be like him. I have spent years saying what I don’t want or what I’ll settle for until…until I can get a bigger house, until I can get the kids off to college, until I can pay off this student loan…how many untils are getting in the way of what you really want?

I read a lot (as you all know) and although I started my writing life wanting to write novels, I haven’t read a good novel in awhile. I read 4 to 5 books a week (separate from the books have to read for the kids’ schoolwork–geesh) and my latest books have been a couple of re-reads–the Aladdin Factor and the 22 Immutable Laws of Branding. Different books, different ideas, but both of them are meeting a need for me right now.

The Aladdin Factor is about asking and I want to let you know for an independent sistah like me, asking is not easy. I used to think (praise God for a renewing of your mind) that asking was either a form of neediness or a tactic used to agitate or irritate. I would forget my money at home on my job and have a headache during lunch because I didn’t ask anyone to borrow a few bucks until the next day. “They are going to think I’m a leech, a buster.” I wouldn’t ask my father to help me buy some glasses because our insurance didn’t cover the full amount (ooo, I live for the day that I’m either wearing contacts or having my eyesight strengthen because glasses are providing me with a lot of challenges lately) and I wore glasses for 2 years!! that I couldn’t really see out of. You should have seen my father’s face when I finally confessed after he badgered me for squinting all of the time. “You couldn’t have just asked. What do you think I would have done?” I kinda know where my poor programmming came from, but again, I’m new and approved. I think women who stay at home or women who are experiencing parental guilt (for whatever reason) have an extra layer of “not asking” going on. For me, I’ve gotten so good at suppressing/repressing/oppressing (just pressing) my desires that now I’m spending an incredible amount of time trying to reconnect with me.

The 22 immutable laws of branding is about what is your package, your image, your…brand. Since I’ve started this blog, many doors have opened for me in the area of writing. I love writing, but my heart is also teaching and speaking. The three go together so I have to be a business person (which I’ve been for many years off and on) and be cautious about how I handle my…my stuff, my…brand. The deal is that I love parenting and I love working with women as a life coach. I’ve had to get some help in finding out who do I want to be when I grow up.

I know I’ve posed this question before but I think it’s taken a different tone because I don’t think I was ready to accept what I REALLY want. I happened on this current life and lifestyle that I have (SAHM, homeschooling, 5 kids!) and I’m so grateful, but for someone who wrote her life plan when she was 7 and revised it at 11, being where I hadn’t planned is throwing me off. I’m really out of whack because I feel that the one place that I could let my hair down was here and now people…not yall, of course, have kinda taken it away and kinda…I don’t know branded the blog. Does that make sense?

I’m okay with change and I know that the kind of people who work well with my personality type (not Type A, but close enough that my idiosyncracies really throw people for a loop…did I tell you I had 4 different personal assistants in 90 days in my last business? Remind me to share that story one day…no I’m not Murphy Brown) are coming in my life to push me to the next level. I just gotta get back to a routine that is prepared for the next level.

This staying up til 1 or 2 and then waking up at 7 or so just doesn’t work for me. I’ll let you all know how I get my groove back. For now, forgive me because I’m real out of whack.

Anyway, enough with the rage, I owe you guys so many great stories, but I am going to make it short since it is late and my frustration caused me to procrastinate. Starting to get a little tired. Well, the babies are coming back tomorrow and I gotta be honest with you, I’m not jumping up for joy. See, I had a taste of what it is like to sit in quiet and just think.I used to do that a lot a long time ago and I realize that the ability to sit quiet/still is key to maintaining normalcy and sanity.

I will definitely do more of that quiet time/still time in 2007.

Trying to do everything (via Mountain Dew) was not a good choice and planning to do everything wasn’t that smart either. We’ve had bad car karma since the two accidents and I have been back and forth to the auto repair shop every week between our 2 used cars more than I had been in the past 1 year with our minivan. After spending close to $2000 in auto repairs over the past 6 weeks, I am trying hard to stick to the plan. No major purchases until after we buy this new house in the next 6 months. No new car. Yes, it’s inconvenient and sometimes unsafe (rear brakes went out while picking up oldest daughter from dance…luckily, highway driving was not necessary), but keep your eye on the prize. Being financially fit, mentally fit is a struggle/battle, but well worth the outcome.  Right?

I think this season of hecticness in my life is one of the reason the spam thing is bugging me. I am always being spammed. I spammed by the insurance companies who are still not completing their role in the accident chaos. I am spammed by everyone’s opinion on what we should be doing with our lives (“You should live in the suburbs/You should live near that mall by the highway/Why are you giving away all of the sheets (that I don’t like or are in bad shape) when you might need them?). Although I miss the kids tremendously, I have found some value or better yet, I got a small taste of what it will be like a few years from now when everyone in my house can take care of themselves, the house and one another. That’s what these past couple of weeks have brought me. Clarity/ Conviction and I know one thing…I am seriously knocking out clutter in ALL aspects of my life, so look out spammers, Spam I ain’t.

Ok, here’s a situation right now. I could explain to you why it’s hard to relax or I could tell you what I’ve done to be better at relaxing. Hmm…which way do I go? which way do I go? (A little Bullwinkle moment there…for you 70′s children). Alright, I think I’m going to go here. I have really enjoyed my three children and I regret that we had to jump back into school and school-related activities so soon after returning to Baltimore. I have resisted the feeling of perfectionism while still doing a little something every day that I couldn’t do with the babies.

The hardest part of this transition is that I haven’t deemed my life difficult (somewhat challenging) because, well…it’s my life. But when the big kids are doing their silent reading and I am able to sit at the computer quietly and actually have my 10 minutes of thinking in my thinking place (Shoot, it’s taking me forever to have a thinking place. Got that from Thinking for a change by John Maxwell). I think “Wow. Is this what “normal” people do? Is this what my life will someday be like when the kids are old enough to fend for themselves?” It’s kinda weird for me, actually its been really weird for me. Can’t say I like it, but I am trying to capitalize on it by putting the big kids to sleep at their right time (8:30 and 9:00 p.m) and by having my 30 minutes of quiet time with just me and my husband (hadn’t been doing that, but I’d like to try that much harder this year for this to be a habit). I, unfortunately, haven’t been waking up early like I should (no vitamins, overcoming a cold…still no excuse) and I have been losing my high productive time. Ugghh. So to complete this blog, to let you know that I am trying to get it back together and I haven’t disappeared, I grabbed some Mountain Dew (that is my caffeine drug of choice) on the way back home from Bible Study and I’m going to get some writing done until maybe 2 a.m or so.

Oh, I’ll be sure to tell yall what I did about my daughter’s hair over the holidays and to tell you about my latest teeth challenge, then I got a urine situation to share, an acting audition sorta thing, along with a new research assistant and a file clerk that I am hiring…Man, just like I said, what does a mother do with so much guilt (I feel guilty that dahgurl has fallen short)? She lays it on thick. Sorry to dump this all of your lap, but I got some good stuff coming. Thanks for having faith in me.