• 9 expired items in the first aid kits (yeah, I have one for the car and one to give to the grandparents. Should be updated every year, but I’m a little behind.) 
• 2 days of missed blog posts (read a couple of different books for Financial Friday and I wanted to sit still/break it down/got caught up typing packing lists/researching summer reading lists…did I mention that I’ve recently been inducted in the Overacheiving, Obsessive Perfectionists Hall of Shame? Yeah, I wasn’t good enough to get it to Hall of Fame.  :lol: )
• 2 girls night out activities (didn’t feel right hangin’ when I had another 10 loads of laundry to do, even though DH hung out with his boy who was going to Brazil for the summer…guess he missed the 10 loads of laundry or the smelly food in the refrigerator)
• 11 hours of sleep (I’m a light sleeper, but I do believe that good, sound sleep is critical for total health…but I wonder is good and sound possible when your three year old foot is in your mouth?)
• dry contact lenses (not really associated with the travel plans, but I thought I would throw that in there)
• over-inflated car tires (I couldn’t very much read the tire gauge while my sons were arguing abou who was going to play Dragon Ball Z first when we got home)
• $58.50 (the total cost of the overdue DVD, video games from the library and from Blockbuster)
• a good bra (not paying attention…ended in the dryer/underwire gave up/expensive tragedy)
• 3 broken nails (not gel or acrylic, but mine…the ones I’ve been trying to go for friggin weeks. All because I was looking through a box of tapes looking for the 5 or 6 DVDs that seemed to have walked out of the cases. Does this happen in your house? Are the DVDs joined with the toothpaste caps, the remote controls and those dayum single socks? And, can I note that I wouldn’t be watching ANY of the DVDs so why did I have to dig? Another post…)
• important items left behind
  • Both of my daughters left their jackets after they went in for a bathroom break..even though I asked if everyone went to the bathroom. (My girlfriend has a portable potty in her car…do I need to go out like that?)
  • Video camera (wrote a checklist for the whole family while I went to get the car checked out…made 4 copies/taped the list on every reasonable surface/DH was responsible for the video camera, but he missed the list/was sorta sleepy…see above statement about hanging out for more details)
  • Pajamas for me (luckily, I’m staying at my parent’s house, but let’s see I remembered everything for the kids down to the A & D ointment, the plastic spoons for the fruit cups and the special glass cleaner and car freshener that I like, but sistah didn’t have enough of a spare brain cell to get some pajamas for herself…sad but true)
• a part of my hearing because between “Stop Khari!” (which is the mantra that everyone has when it pertains to the throwing/hitting/kicking/choking antics of our two year old), “How much longer?” and my fave…”Did you consider us taking a plane home? I’m just curious.” I think I damaged something when I was covering my ears and screaming, “My name is not Mommy and you can’t guess what it is, so I’m not answering.”

Although it’s 1:06 AM on Tuesday morning and it costs me a lot to get here, sitting here in the quiet, knowing that I am going to be without the busy-ness of my full life for about six weeks…it was worth it.

For more information about developing a first-aid kit, click here.

How well do you handle preparation before the trip? How much does your family be in the vision and pitch in to help?

Now, I was raised by two wonderful parents who worked hard at teaching us right from wrong. The challenge is that my mother wasn’t taught about sex. She just kinda came across the topic, similar to how you stumble upon an uneven section of the concrete while walking. She was sheltered, bookended by two over-protective older brothers and a truckload of old school, prudish relatives from Mississippi who all migrated to Detroit and lived within one mile of each other.

So, what do she when she has three daughters of her own? Uh…the same thing. You couldn’t say sex in our house, let alone ask any questions about stuff you heard at school. When I started my cycle at the young age of 9, my mother took me to a doctor’s office and all I remember is a movie with birds, bees, eggs and sperm, which sorta looked like little worms lost in the ocean. After the movie, they showed us pictures of a naked woman and a naked man, but they didn’t elaborate much on sex, hormones, feelings leading up to sex. Nope. I was more confused than ever and my mother never asked me a single thing about it. She thought, “Whew! I did my part. Don’t have to deal with that anymore.”

I found out more from school (and not in health class) about sex and sexuality, than I ever did from that movie. I’ll never forget when my girl friends would bring Cosmo to school (the half-naked woman on the front is not new to the 21st century) and my guy friends would brag about the info they got from “Uncle Willie” and how he let them sneak a peek at his girlie magazines. How could we have possibly been expected to have any responsible, respectable relationships when boys in groups of threes would push their easily erected bodies up against you while your back was turned and you were putting stuff in your locker?

Man, we were in a world of trouble. We had a make-out cove in the E-Wing where couples could go and get in a quickie. Hello!

So, what am I doing differently with my daughter, hell my children, because if we only talk to the girls, that’s like throwing Danielle in the hungry lion’s den dressed in a full-length coat made of raw meat?

I’m teaching sex education as soon as they start asking questions or as soon as I think they are able to understand. In my daughter’s case, I taught intro to sex and reproduction in 5th grade. Shocked? Tripping? Think it’s too early? Check this.

My daughter went to school and a little girl in her class commented on my pregnancy.

“Is that your mama?”

“Yeah.”

“She pregnant.”

“Yeah.”

“Well, my mama was pregnant, but she killed that baby.”

My daughter, shocked, unable to respond, walked away. As soon as we had some time alone,

“Mommy, this girl in my class is crazy. She lies and talks a lot. Guess what she said?”

Scared out of my mind, “What did she say?”

“She said her mama killed her baby and she was happy.”

I didn’t know how to respond, so I did the half-listening, super calm mama thing, “Oh, really honey. She didn’t know what she was talking about.” And I just dropped it.

Dang! Abortion in the 5th grade? How did the mama tell the child? So many questions…I wasn’t ready then, but I’m getting ready and instead of letting the world be the teacher, I’m taking a proactive stance.

I’m teaching abstinence until marriage and my daughter is enrolled in a series of classes on purity at church, taught to boys and girls, ages 12-18 (it was initially 14 to 19 until someone produced an area statistic that said average age of having sex for the first time is 13, down from 15, about 10 years ago). They have to take classes on sex, girlfriend/boyfriend stuff, financial management, hygiene, etiquette, entrepreneurship (I’m teaching that one), self-esteem, faith in this world and community service. At the end of the classes (I think there are a total of 11 classes), they are having a cotillion/beautillion ball where they will be escorted by their parents and awarded for their commitment and accomplishments.

How does my daughter feel about this?

She’s fine with taking the classes and is actually enjoying herself with the group of over 20 children who are involved, but she does NOT want to participate in the ball. She doesn’t want to put on a “poofy white dress” and “be in front of whole bunch of people who I don’t care about” just to say that she’s pure. “It’s stupid.”

I get her point, but I also know that it takes a village to raise a child and people are taking time out to pour into her, to plant viable seed in her life. All she has to do is dance? I had a debutante ball/didn’t want to do it and it was purely social/had nothing to do with growing your faith or preparing you for the craziness of this world and I was so not a princess (I’m still not girly like that) but the memories are still with me, the experience is one that I would never forget. I’m glad I did it now.

I trust my daughter, love her, but do I lay down the law and make her do this ball for the sake of “what she will regret later in life.” Or do I let her make the decision and have the moment missed because of teen angst or really, the short-sightedness of youth.

What would you do and why?

In an effort to balance my decision to stick to parenting stuff (mainly ), I have designated just a few days where I can talk about other areas of my life that might be of interest to you. So, on Wednesdays, I will be bringing you the WFHM/WAHM wisdom. Oh, the acronyms? WFHM (work from home mom, which I use for people who actually run their business from home. This would apply to people who are full-time, part-time or even hobby time in business) and then WAHM (work at home mom, which I use as people who work another organization, say a magazine or pharmaceutical company and they have an in-home office, commuter and flex time employees would work here). I adhere to these classifications myself even though there are many similarities. The question I get from most people at my workshop is How do you do it all? My response: What do you, Trump, Oprah and Tiger have in common? People start to think and after about 5 minutes, I say, “You all start out every day with 24 hours in it. The differences between you is how the hours are spent.”

Hmmm….is the response I normally get.

Every business, every organization, the world runs on time, timing, seasons. I’ve fought in many organizations about how inefficient and ineffective people were because they did not know how to maximize their time. I have offended many people because I was the manager who started meetings according to the time on the clock even when people were outside of the room talking, getting coffee, wrapping up their phone calls (which tended to be personal in nature anyway…another post, another post) and I NEVER saw fit to wait for people or encourage them to be in their seat. This is not elementary school, people, and if you need a bell to tell you to be in your seat, set the alarm to go off on your watch. OUCH! If looks could kill, I would be writing this from the Master’s office.

Time is a precious commodity. Don’t waste it on the phone, checking your emails, sitting in meetings that have no real purpose or better yet, no clear purpose. Is this what you’re doing in your home office? Then check out a few tips I have for you, so that you can make the most of your time and a couple of fun bonuses since it is summertime and the kids want to be a part of what you’re doing.

1. Set a schedule, PLEASE and stick to it. I’ve tried the free flowing method of writing when the mood hits you or starting my day at different times every day and it just didn’t work. Well, it wasn’t the best way to be productive. Yes, emergencies come up, but not every day. How do you set a schedule?

Know your peak times and down times and definitely know those times for your family. Are you a morning person? A night owl? Do your kids sit still for a movie or are they better at the park? You have to make sure that you position yourself to be productive when you have the MOST energy.

For example, I’m a morning person, like 5 am morning and I don’t try to do anything that requires a creative brain cell after say…4 p.m. By 10 pm, I’m ready to crawl in the bed. The kids?
My children normally hit the floor, hungry, at 8:30 am. so I try to get as much writing/editing/creating done between 5 & 8. Ask yourself these questions:

• When am I fresh, most creative?
• When am I normally at peace, focused, not distracted?
• Do I pay attention to how I spend my time?
• When are the kids most active, most engaged? Can I take my lunch break with them after I’ve created, been productive, met my daily goal?
• When can I sneak away and the kids not notice? (In my house, that would be anytime the Teletubbies come on)

Keep a journal of your day for at least a week and hone in on when you are most at the top of your game. Build your schedule around your findings. Because email and voicemail don’t require a lot of thinking (just scamming, filtering, quick responding), I TRY (I’m not quite there yet) not to check my email or my voice mails during my morning flow time.2. Once you’ve set a schedule, have the schedule posted in several places in the house. I talk to my children about mommy work hours and the older ones have to keep the little ones in check, but they don’t even come near my office unless it’s a real emergency.

3. Have a sign on the door for special situations like: Ok to come in or On the phone. These signs (which should ahve symbols for the little kids) are so much fun. I asked the kids to help me design them. My youngest daughter wants to put glitter on the “Mommy’s working” sign. Hey, whatever works.

4. Make meal time easy for EVERY one by making it simple or making it in advance. Crackers, turkey slices, carrot sticks and apple slices is what I prepare for the toddler. Every one else in my house can make their own lunch. I have just recently decided to put a cafeteria type menu on the cabinets and on the refrigerator since my younger son said, “Mommy, what are my options? I’m bored with turkey and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.”

5. Build in some fun. Every time I submit an article, I beef up the movies for family movie night, so we usually do 2 movies, but if they were respectful of my space, took care of their chores without prompting, then hey, 3 to 4 movies is alright with me.

I have been working for home and at home over 10 years as a freelance writer, computer trainer, independent sales director, corporate contractor and life coach. I hope this information helps you in your scheduling challenges with the children. Useful, helpful, stupid idea? I want to hear from you. Also, you can read more of my work from home advice over at Blue Suit Mom. Click the Ask an Expert and previously asked questions are answered there.

Ms. Palaccio kept my youngest sister until I got home from school and she made the best zucccini bread. Even though my grandmother had a beautiful garden in the heart of Detroit, full of her Mississippi-reared faves (the green tomatoes were the bomb), I didn’t know what a zuccini was. Two doors down from Ms. Palaccio were the Carters. David and I got into my first fight at school when he accidentally hit me in the face with a snowball. I went off! He started crying because he thought we were friends and he begged for my forgiveness for…uh…the whole next semester. They adopted their cousin, Butter, and he throw a baseball in my parent’s bedroom window. Oooh, that was the first time I realized that my father had a gun in the house. AAAAHHHH! He was half-dressed, getting ready for his afternoon shift at the post office, and he grabbed that gun from the back of his closet and ran out the porch. My sisters and I were crying and all of the other kids on the block immediately busted Butter out. He had to work in our yard, in our garage, hell, he was an indentured servant for a good year.

I loved growing up in Oak Park. Just thinking about it makes me sad that my children may never have that. See times are a’changing, actually they have changed. And DH wrote a little bit about this in his post yesterday. I decided to sorta fill in the blanks.

We live on the corner of busy street, main avenue in West Baltimore. Since living here these past three years, I:

• saw a woman get kicked (literally by some brothers foot) out of the car while the car was moving. She sat on the curb in front of my house with her little dog for hours waiting for someone to pick her up. I offered her water, a phone, a scripture…she refused. I prayed.
• heard a person get shot in the middle of the night right under my bedroom window
• had my purse stolen out of my car two weeks ago after I briefly took my sleeping child to bed and used the bathroom (they had maybe 15 minutes…they had to be watching/nearby/or just REAL lucky). My wallet was found in the bushes in the neighborhood. Family pictures ruined/got my driver’s license, but I had already paid for another one
• had our mail stolen after we had been on vacation (we had it held at the post office, but we came back ONE day later than we had expected)/took our son’s birthday card money and some other stuff and threw the rest of the mail all over the lawn

By now, you’re asking, “Where do you live? The projects.” Nope. Hate to tell you that my house is a church parsonage in one of the oldest, once most affluent communities for African Americans in the city. The first black mayor of Baltimore is my neighbor. The huge brick, single family detached homes are occupied by seasoned professionals, between the ages of 60-75. Pastor Dobson, 80, lives a few blocks down and was just awarded a Civil Rights Humanitarian Award. A couple of Congressman live around the corner as well. So, ask me again. Go ‘head. Ask me. “Where do you live?”

I live in a city where people are broken, sick, displaced. I live where elders are ignored and abused. I live where vibrant communities are neglected, where utility prices are increased and people have no options. I live where drug-addicted children and grandchildren are moving in with the parents and having meetings with the dealers right in front of my house. City living…pick a city that’s been hit by unemployment, suburban flight, poor educational systems. That’s where I live. That’s why children aren’t just playing outside, unsupervised. It’s just ANOTHER price paid for city living.

I have to work hard, be creative to give my children a life similar to mine. Thank God for the opportunity, the blessing, the anointing given to me by the Most High God to be a SAHM (stay at home mom). I wanted a career, a life. God needed me to have a ministry, to learn sacrifice. I wanted to fight in the corporate realm. He’s shown me how to fight in the spirit realm.

My children only go outside in twos or more and the baby only goes out with me. We have a hopscotch board chalked in the front and we have frisbees/football/baseball/jump ropes/jacks and I’m going to pick up a sprinkler. They have bikes and helmets (ooh, another thing we sacrificed because the sidewalks are so bad, but my parents had to lay down the law on this one), but they don’t get the same joy as they do riding around in my parent’s suburban Detroit neighborhood. And as much as I believe in outdoor play, I look down the street and my kids are the only ones out. The teenage boy next door plays with his basketball hoop in the back yard and they sometimes use our yard to play football. Other than that, I take the kids to the parks in the area and my neighbor has a community pool membership, so she invites us there a few times a week.

Do I think this phenom is related to increased video game playing, television watching and childhood health challenges? Yup! What can parents do about it? Walk with your kids. My mother in law loves taking the kids on walks , nature walks whenever she’s in town. Invite other families over and allow them to play in larger numbers. We are going to be in a few camps this summer which will help. We have museum memberships, bowling coupons, library summer reading activities. We’re planning some day trips to Hershey Park, Dutch Wonderland and Six Flags.

The question DH posed is what have we lost? We’ve lost community, connectedness. We’ve lost hope, innocence. My sweet, 7 year old son ran in the house while he was outside playing.

“Mommy, I’m sorry. Somebody walked by and I said Hi.”

A tear fell down my cheek as I hugged him. “It’s okay. It’s okay.”

What differences exist between your childhood and your children’s? Are your children doing outside activities without your supervision? Do you feel that parents/caregivers are paranoid and overprotective? How do you expose your children to different possibilities?

Well, add these lyrics from the 80’s R & B group, Whodini.

Friends, how many of us have them? Friends? The one’s you can depend on. Let’s be friends.

I used to have an associate who would tell her kids “that if one you all go, you all go. If one of you isn’t invited, then we all stay home.” Basically, she believed that her children didn’t need friends outside of their large, close-knit family. Well, at least, that’s how she acted. I have Mommy and Child Days where I spend an entire day with each of them individually and they plan out all of the activities and they decide if they want to take a friend or not. I’ve invited this person’s daughter who is the same age as my daughter and her response is so politely, “Where one goes they all go because that’s how they build relationships with one another as a family.”

I was tired of my daughter being hurt every time that mom said no. I just stopped calling her. Am I tripping if I believe that every child deserves their own friends, their own items (within reason) and some personal privacy? My children are only 2 years apart with the exception of the older 2 which are 3 years apart, but I am clear about who’s friend belongs to whom. My oldest son goes to hang out with his friend who has a brother the same age as my younger son. My younger son wants me to invite him along so that he can hang out with his friend. Not a bad plan, but it’s not up to me. If it was a more than one child thing, my gurlfriend would have asked the 7 year old to come too. Otherwise, I don’t just bring my kids to someone else’s party without that being cleared in the beginning.

I’m accused of being too strict, but I am 12 months and 1 week older than my younger sibling and her friends were NOT my friends. I also have been getting a lot of “I don’t have any friends, Mommy” from my 4, almost 5 year old daughter. She’s been acting out/doing the baby thing (whining, tantrums and such). I am familiar with Mocha Moms and several other organizations, but I am tired and I don’t want to start anything and not be able to participate. She has a couple of girls that she hangs out with, but their moms have been busy too. I have a ton of great friends and I know that I am blessed with them, but was I worried/concerned about friends at 4 or 5?

How do you handle the “friend” situation among siblings? Am I being lazy or unfair because I don’t think they need a lot of “friends” anyway, especially since our family size is big? How did your parents handle it? Did the gender of the sibling change how the situation was handled? Looking forward to your comments.

“Shawn, you guys ok? Me and the girls just passed your house and the entire neighborhood is pitch black. You need something?”

Can I just say that I am so blessed with considerate, thoughtful, positive friends? You know it’s hard for me to receive love like this. Yup, the giver is always trippin’. Here’s my response::

“Oh, we’re fine. The kids were scared at first, but they’re sleep now. Thanks for calling. They should be back on in a few hours.”

In all honesty, I was ready to pull my hair out. My oldest daughter was in the basement and she screamed like something out of movie. My younger son and youngest daughter were watching TV and ran down the stairs crying and praying (yeah, that’s my younger son’s answer to all, remember?). My oldest son and BBB (bighead, bigcheeked baby) are in the kitchen and they spill juice everywhere. They are all jumping on me. I can’t find a single thing in this challenging collage of clutter other people call a home.

Hey, I’m not Susie Homemaker. For real, I’m not even Sometimey Sammie Homemaker. I have tons of lists, charts, ideas, plans, strategies and my life is just full with reactions instead of pro-actions. The lights go out around 9 p.m. and we couldn’t find my emergency candles (I still haven’t found them actually), the batteries are out in one of the two flashlights we could find (what kinda help are two flashlights going to provide in a house with 3 floors, 7 people and 4000 square feet, 75 percent of that footage is covered by clutter). HELLO! I felt like such a busta, you know one of those “oh, you are a SAHM and you homeschool, you must be organized” slaps in the face. I’m living life by the seat of my pants,scrounging through drawers/cabinets, stumbling over Power Rangers and Leapster games. My family? Where are they?

Check this out.

DH takes my scented candle (the second of the two candles that I found in the bathroom where I use them during my monthly celebratory bath) and takes pictures so he can add to his awesome Flickr site.

Am I the only spastic person in my house? People always tell me to slow down, breathe, relax. Well there’s nothing like a little bit of darkness to shed some light on you and all of your issues huh?

Must implement an emergency plan…item 21, 874. Check.

Articles and Info on Emergency Preparation:

• Homeland Security Site
• How to Create a Home Emergency Plan
• How to Create a Family Emergency Plan
• American Red Cross

How do you handle emergencies? Are you prepared? Are you cool, calm like DH or are you off the chain like me? Would love your comments!

Well, my second Say What was when I asked my oldest daughter to download the picture for me. “Sure, mommy.” I told her that I was going to use it on my blog and I needed a copy emailed to me. Somehow she missed the instructions after downloading. Now, I’m out of town and I have no picture. This weekend is the first time I’ve been home since Christmas and I come into my parent’s office after an exhausting road trip. (Not exhausting as a trip, but anything that you attempt with five kids is just bigger and more tiring…wow language is starting to get weird to me, but you get my drift). Guess what? My mother has changed all of her rooms around, but more importantly, she has a new computer with all of the bells and whistles which includes a HUGE 21 in’ flat screen monitor. I looked at it and said, “Say What?” She explained to me that she hasn’t read the manual, hasn’t properly hooked it up for it to be fully functional and all she does mostly is play free cell and check airfare on Southwest. This computer (I’m using it now) is so much faster than my PC at home and as much I try not to be mad at my techno-novice pretending to be a geek mother, I do wish she would stop getting all of this stuff that she doesn’t know how to use and then try to get me to show her how to use it. Yeah, add tech support to my long list of duties.

Lastly, I want you to know that I am very excited about going to Cape Cod/Martha’s Vineyard this weekend. I have always wanted to go there and I am glad that my sisters, my mom and I are going. I rarely go out on vacation especially if something is going on with the kids and can you believe that after planning t go somewhere that I’ve really wanted to go, two of my children came down with something on our way to Michigan. My youngest daughter is sneezing, the baby is coughing and I’m thinking in my head, ” Say What? You can’t be serious that they are getting sick the weekend that I am going away. The baby won’t take any medicine/won’t eat any food (which is HUGE) and it sounds like he’s wheezing as in asthma. I can’t believe all that happened to me in a short span of time. I’m working on not feeling guilty about leaving the kids with my in-laws while 2 of them aren’t feeling well.

Did I mention that I have to be at the airport at 4:45 a.m. EST? Did I share with you that I haven’t slept in several days? How about the fact that I went to library to get me some novels (since I only read novels when I travel and I left them all at home? I hope that I can access the Internet while I’m away. I have to share with you all about my travels.

Thanks for letting me vent a little.

Many of these questions have developed as my children get older. How do I want my children to be when they grow up? What parts of me do I want to share and what parts of me do I want to keep to myself? The question for this week is if they’re is a thing called a man’s man, then what does it mean to be a woman’s woman or a lady’s lady? See what I discover while I observe my clan over at The Parenting Post today.