Of course, you’re wondering what “it?” Well, the headline is a little trick so let me explain…The idea of developing habits makes me wanna cuss! Yes, as much as I believe I’m getting better and that God is strengthening, I have some bad habits that just won’t go away. Uh, Correction. That are going to go away with a fight.
Now, if I have bad habits and everyone else in my house have different bad habits, what do you think that makes the house? Sometimes, most of the time, a hot mess. For example, we have this thing in our house that we have “house” shoes and street shoes…even though I am one of the few people here who adhere to it, but that’s what I try to get everyone to do it. See dirt is hardwood floors worse enemy and since time has not been so nice to the floors, well I try to keep as much dirt off. Also, the kids have issues with keeping pairs of shoes together, so if they take them off at the door, then they can find them in the morning. right?
Well, this system never really worked given that there are so many people in our family that you spend all day tripping over shoes if you get anywhere near the door. Crazy, huh? But we’ve been doing it for awhile. I’ve tried a shoe bin, a cubby hole and none of that works. There just isn’t any space to get it around, so I’m thinking about how to change this (and many other habits in my house). As I started thinking about the bad habits of myself and my family members, I got a bit overwhelmed and started to get frustrated.
Habits…I teach the Seven Habits and I know how crucial they are to our overall success in life. When I was running a successful home based business when I had no family nearby and small children, I developed the habit of waking up at 5 AM, so that I can think, organize my office, write down what I had to do that day, get fully dressed in nice clothes (it was part of what I did). I had to “find” time or “make” time. I realized that my old habits had to change in order for me to do what I attend to do–daily blogging, develop an internet radio brand and coach families on being wholly successful. So, I wrote down my bad habits, well the ones that are preventing from reaching my goals (I mean, I didn’t have an entire day. ) and then I had to put a new habit IN PLACE of it. The last step is so key that it is the reason why people are often not successful with dieting. You focus on what you want to take out or decrease, but you don’t always focus on what you add or increase, so when you get hungry or tired and you have no solutions and it is easier to just do what you were already doing.
Ok.
Time to get the bad habits out and the good habits in! Below is my starter list and I want YOU to share some of your (or your family’s bad habits) and what you’re going to do to change it.
1) Shoes by door. I am going to ask everyone to take them off at the door AND put them under their bed in their room.
2) Not enforcing the chore chart. I am going to be consistent with disciplinary action by writing down the infractions daily and then implementing the punishment on the weekend….when they can feel it.
3) Start to organize my paperwork and never finish. I am going to finish my file cabinet organizing and ONLY open mail at my desk. Does your mail have legs?
4) Not working out consistently. I am going to get a walking partner and commit to at least three days a week.
5) Laundry hampers being used as storage containers. YIKES! I am going to have a laundry sorting system where the hampers are dumped and then returned to their rightful place. Simple, but UGGH…a thorn in my side.
Now, remember…I got a ton of bad habits, but I’m only listing a few to get you to think about what habit is keeping you from achieving your goals, ANY goal! Can’t wait to read your list

Ever wondered what it would cost you if you had a larger family? Thought about travelling, especially car travel with them during a holiday week? Let me share with you unexpected costs:

• 9 expired items in the first aid kits (yeah, I have one for the car and one to give to the grandparents. Should be updated every year, but I’m a little behind.) 
• 2 days of missed blog posts (read a couple of different books for Financial Friday and I wanted to sit still/break it down/got caught up typing packing lists/researching summer reading lists…did I mention that I’ve recently been inducted in the Overacheiving, Obsessive Perfectionists Hall of Shame? Yeah, I wasn’t good enough to get it to Hall of Fame.  :lol: )
• 2 girls night out activities (didn’t feel right hangin’ when I had another 10 loads of laundry to do, even though DH hung out with his boy who was going to Brazil for the summer…guess he missed the 10 loads of laundry or the smelly food in the refrigerator)
• 11 hours of sleep (I’m a light sleeper, but I do believe that good, sound sleep is critical for total health…but I wonder is good and sound possible when your three year old foot is in your mouth?)
• dry contact lenses (not really associated with the travel plans, but I thought I would throw that in there)
• over-inflated car tires (I couldn’t very much read the tire gauge while my sons were arguing abou who was going to play Dragon Ball Z first when we got home)
• $58.50 (the total cost of the overdue DVD, video games from the library and from Blockbuster)
• a good bra (not paying attention…ended in the dryer/underwire gave up/expensive tragedy)
• 3 broken nails (not gel or acrylic, but mine…the ones I’ve been trying to go for friggin weeks. All because I was looking through a box of tapes looking for the 5 or 6 DVDs that seemed to have walked out of the cases. Does this happen in your house? Are the DVDs joined with the toothpaste caps, the remote controls and those dayum single socks? And, can I note that I wouldn’t be watching ANY of the DVDs so why did I have to dig? Another post…)
• important items left behind
  • Both of my daughters left their jackets after they went in for a bathroom break..even though I asked if everyone went to the bathroom. (My girlfriend has a portable potty in her car…do I need to go out like that?)
  • Video camera (wrote a checklist for the whole family while I went to get the car checked out…made 4 copies/taped the list on every reasonable surface/DH was responsible for the video camera, but he missed the list/was sorta sleepy…see above statement about hanging out for more details)
  • Pajamas for me (luckily, I’m staying at my parent’s house, but let’s see I remembered everything for the kids down to the A & D ointment, the plastic spoons for the fruit cups and the special glass cleaner and car freshener that I like, but sistah didn’t have enough of a spare brain cell to get some pajamas for herself…sad but true)
• a part of my hearing because between “Stop Khari!” (which is the mantra that everyone has when it pertains to the throwing/hitting/kicking/choking antics of our two year old), “How much longer?” and my fave…”Did you consider us taking a plane home? I’m just curious.” I think I damaged something when I was covering my ears and screaming, “My name is not Mommy and you can’t guess what it is, so I’m not answering.”

Although it’s 1:06 AM on Tuesday morning and it costs me a lot to get here, sitting here in the quiet, knowing that I am going to be without the busy-ness of my full life for about six weeks…it was worth it.

For more information about developing a first-aid kit, click here.

How well do you handle preparation before the trip? How much does your family be in the vision and pitch in to help?

I am passionate about leaving a legacy for my children. What does legacy mean to me? It means a rich inheritance of both material and non-material wealth. I don’t want to delve too much into this, but I want to leave this Earth better than it was while I was here and it starts with my children (well it starts with the belief in a Greater Power than yourself and for me, that’s Jesus Christ). For a long time, I thought it started with my talents and my degrees, but it starts from the heart. What’s in your heart?

Now, if you want some book suggestions, practical steps and tools for debt recovery, it’s in here, but please don’t ignore this little tidbit that I gathered/researched. I heard something while preparing this new book that I am writing on your credit score and how it shouldn’t determine your character, your employability or your self-worth. I decided to do an informal credit score survey and track emotional stability and credit incline/decline. And guess what? A quote that I heard somewhere applies, “Debt is related to lack or broken-ness, low self-worth or ignorance of self and its relationship to the world. ” Sounds crazy/deep/spooky/unrelated? Think about it.

• Young family, decided that a parent (usually a mom) stays at home. Family/friends associates that with some form of affluence and in order to keep that up, mom goes shopping, travels for weekend getaways–all the while not realizing that there should have been some adjustments in lifestyle since there were some adjustments in income.
• Because of the challenges in our economy, we live with very little savings (if any) and unprepared for the reality that we may be without work or underemployed, the LACK of knowledge on investing or the LACK of trust in stocks or even banks (yes, my grandmother preferred Bible Banking…”My money is safe and protected by the Almighty. No crooks gone get it there.” Can I get an Amen?).
• Divorce is a leading cause of financial challenges for women and credit cards tend to be the only available resource for the family to maintain some sense of normalcy (brokenness at work here)
• Recent graduates, not making enough money to pay off the student loan debt/too proud to go back home and make arrangements with their parents (parents don’t want them anyway), disappointed at where they’ve ended up/frustrated and impatient with the situation…low self-worth/self-doubt (why did I get that stupid degree? take that job? move into this apartment?) and emotional instability.
• Check your heart. Are you harboring some feeling from your childhood that you weren’t loved, so you go overboard with material things to prove that you are special, well taken care of? Are you mad at your parents for being poor, so you live LARGE because you don’t want to feel LACK again? Were your siblings treated better than you and you are buying your way to acceptance or to prove a point? Read the rest of this entry »

For years, I used to sneak into the kid’s rooms and take a peek at them while they slept. I watched their still bodies, curled up in weird positions and wondered what they were dreaming about or if they were dreaming at all. My oldest and my youngest sleep with their eyes slightly open to the point that you’re not sure if they are sleep. My other three, though, oooh, sleep just like their dad–HARD, STILL AS CONCRETE.

I don’t watch them anymore.

As soon as I can get a spare brain cell, which usually happens between the third or fourth rant of “Brush your teeth and say your prayers” and the increasing threat of “If I hear one more sound, I am…”, I go to the computer so that I can squeeze in articles for the two blogs, flyers for the podcasts, emails/newsletters/press releases about my upcoming speaking engagements. I don’t know when else I could do these things because in the morning, I’m planning for the day, working on these projects as well. I do what I have to do now so that I can do what I want to do later, but that doesn’t mean jack to the kids.

“Mommy, why don’t you tuck us in, pray with us or give us a zerbert/zurbit (Couldn’t find the proper word, but it’s when you make raspberries/spitting sounds on the cheek or stomach usually. Think Clif Huxtable and Rudy)?”

I was stopped in my tracks for a second until I realized that it was my sensitive, family oriented son who asked the question. He always challenges me and makes me feel less compassionate or inadequate when its comes to family affairs. His comment was just one of the many ways that my children and my family makes me feel like a busta, intentionally and unintentionally.

“Mommy doesn’t read books to us every night either any more.” Oh, now my 4 year old, who also thinks that she has no friends and that she’s always left out, was making me feel any better. So, what do I do?

You think I broke down, crawled under a rock and felt guilty because I have to generate income and I’ve chosen doing it on my terms, with my skills? You think I cried and explained how much I missed them and wanted to be with them?

You got another think coming. I did the totally un-respectable thing and went OFF.

“Didn’t we just have a water fight, go to the museum, hang out at the park, get video games at the library and you are trying to make me feel bad tonight? Do you think about what I may want to do, what makes me happy? I wish I could just whine and all of the sudden somebody stops what they’re doing to chauffeur me, comfort me, clothe me, clean up after me…”

My oldest daughter rushed in the room to rescue her siblings, but I was on a roll and there was no turning back. “What part of I owe you every ounce, every second of my life did you pick up on? You…”

I don’t have to recant it, but it was crazy and I overreacted.

I’m sitting here now, typing this post, BBB is awake AGAIN after midnight and I have had to retype this line several times because I’m half awake.

Were they wrong for wanting to keep a routine that I’ve been practicing for years up until 9 months ago when DH and I had “the talk”? They’re getting older. I’m getting busier. I do the night time routine sometimes, maybe once a week. They don’t drop this drama on DH at all, ever. Should I be mad about that?

How do you respond when your children pull the guilt trip? Do you cave? Do you snap? Do you breakdown, cry and reach for the chocolate ice cream? Leave a comment and share with me how guilt (or perceived neglect) from your children or from your spouse effects you.

As you all know, I can come up with a song for most situations in my life. Some of your faves were Unwritten, Bag Lady and

Well, add these lyrics from the 80′s R & B group, Whodini.

Friends, how many of us have them? Friends? The one’s you can depend on. Let’s be friends.

I used to have an associate who would tell her kids “that if one you all go, you all go. If one of you isn’t invited, then we all stay home.” Basically, she believed that her children didn’t need friends outside of their large, close-knit family. Well, at least, that’s how she acted. I have Mommy and Child Days where I spend an entire day with each of them individually and they plan out all of the activities and they decide if they want to take a friend or not. I’ve invited this person’s daughter who is the same age as my daughter and her response is so politely, “Where one goes they all go because that’s how they build relationships with one another as a family.”

I was tired of my daughter being hurt every time that mom said no. I just stopped calling her. Am I tripping if I believe that every child deserves their own friends, their own items (within reason) and some personal privacy? My children are only 2 years apart with the exception of the older 2 which are 3 years apart, but I am clear about who’s friend belongs to whom. My oldest son goes to hang out with his friend who has a brother the same age as my younger son. My younger son wants me to invite him along so that he can hang out with his friend. Not a bad plan, but it’s not up to me. If it was a more than one child thing, my gurlfriend would have asked the 7 year old to come too. Otherwise, I don’t just bring my kids to someone else’s party without that being cleared in the beginning.

I’m accused of being too strict, but I am 12 months and 1 week older than my younger sibling and her friends were NOT my friends. I also have been getting a lot of “I don’t have any friends, Mommy” from my 4, almost 5 year old daughter. She’s been acting out/doing the baby thing (whining, tantrums and such). I am familiar with Mocha Moms and several other organizations, but I am tired and I don’t want to start anything and not be able to participate. She has a couple of girls that she hangs out with, but their moms have been busy too. I have a ton of great friends and I know that I am blessed with them, but was I worried/concerned about friends at 4 or 5?

How do you handle the “friend” situation among siblings? Am I being lazy or unfair because I don’t think they need a lot of “friends” anyway, especially since our family size is big? How did your parents handle it? Did the gender of the sibling change how the situation was handled? Looking forward to your comments.