• 9 expired items in the first aid kits (yeah, I have one for the car and one to give to the grandparents. Should be updated every year, but I’m a little behind.) 
• 2 days of missed blog posts (read a couple of different books for Financial Friday and I wanted to sit still/break it down/got caught up typing packing lists/researching summer reading lists…did I mention that I’ve recently been inducted in the Overacheiving, Obsessive Perfectionists Hall of Shame? Yeah, I wasn’t good enough to get it to Hall of Fame.  :lol: )
• 2 girls night out activities (didn’t feel right hangin’ when I had another 10 loads of laundry to do, even though DH hung out with his boy who was going to Brazil for the summer…guess he missed the 10 loads of laundry or the smelly food in the refrigerator)
• 11 hours of sleep (I’m a light sleeper, but I do believe that good, sound sleep is critical for total health…but I wonder is good and sound possible when your three year old foot is in your mouth?)
• dry contact lenses (not really associated with the travel plans, but I thought I would throw that in there)
• over-inflated car tires (I couldn’t very much read the tire gauge while my sons were arguing abou who was going to play Dragon Ball Z first when we got home)
• $58.50 (the total cost of the overdue DVD, video games from the library and from Blockbuster)
• a good bra (not paying attention…ended in the dryer/underwire gave up/expensive tragedy)
• 3 broken nails (not gel or acrylic, but mine…the ones I’ve been trying to go for friggin weeks. All because I was looking through a box of tapes looking for the 5 or 6 DVDs that seemed to have walked out of the cases. Does this happen in your house? Are the DVDs joined with the toothpaste caps, the remote controls and those dayum single socks? And, can I note that I wouldn’t be watching ANY of the DVDs so why did I have to dig? Another post…)
• important items left behind
  • Both of my daughters left their jackets after they went in for a bathroom break..even though I asked if everyone went to the bathroom. (My girlfriend has a portable potty in her car…do I need to go out like that?)
  • Video camera (wrote a checklist for the whole family while I went to get the car checked out…made 4 copies/taped the list on every reasonable surface/DH was responsible for the video camera, but he missed the list/was sorta sleepy…see above statement about hanging out for more details)
  • Pajamas for me (luckily, I’m staying at my parent’s house, but let’s see I remembered everything for the kids down to the A & D ointment, the plastic spoons for the fruit cups and the special glass cleaner and car freshener that I like, but sistah didn’t have enough of a spare brain cell to get some pajamas for herself…sad but true)
• a part of my hearing because between “Stop Khari!” (which is the mantra that everyone has when it pertains to the throwing/hitting/kicking/choking antics of our two year old), “How much longer?” and my fave…”Did you consider us taking a plane home? I’m just curious.” I think I damaged something when I was covering my ears and screaming, “My name is not Mommy and you can’t guess what it is, so I’m not answering.”

Although it’s 1:06 AM on Tuesday morning and it costs me a lot to get here, sitting here in the quiet, knowing that I am going to be without the busy-ness of my full life for about six weeks…it was worth it.

For more information about developing a first-aid kit, click here.

How well do you handle preparation before the trip? How much does your family be in the vision and pitch in to help?

Now, if you want some book suggestions, practical steps and tools for debt recovery, it’s in here, but please don’t ignore this little tidbit that I gathered/researched. I heard something while preparing this new book that I am writing on your credit score and how it shouldn’t determine your character, your employability or your self-worth. I decided to do an informal credit score survey and track emotional stability and credit incline/decline. And guess what? A quote that I heard somewhere applies, “Debt is related to lack or broken-ness, low self-worth or ignorance of self and its relationship to the world. ” Sounds crazy/deep/spooky/unrelated? Think about it.

• Young family, decided that a parent (usually a mom) stays at home. Family/friends associates that with some form of affluence and in order to keep that up, mom goes shopping, travels for weekend getaways–all the while not realizing that there should have been some adjustments in lifestyle since there were some adjustments in income.
• Because of the challenges in our economy, we live with very little savings (if any) and unprepared for the reality that we may be without work or underemployed, the LACK of knowledge on investing or the LACK of trust in stocks or even banks (yes, my grandmother preferred Bible Banking…”My money is safe and protected by the Almighty. No crooks gone get it there.” Can I get an Amen?).
• Divorce is a leading cause of financial challenges for women and credit cards tend to be the only available resource for the family to maintain some sense of normalcy (brokenness at work here)
• Recent graduates, not making enough money to pay off the student loan debt/too proud to go back home and make arrangements with their parents (parents don’t want them anyway), disappointed at where they’ve ended up/frustrated and impatient with the situation…low self-worth/self-doubt (why did I get that stupid degree? take that job? move into this apartment?) and emotional instability.
• Check your heart. Are you harboring some feeling from your childhood that you weren’t loved, so you go overboard with material things to prove that you are special, well taken care of? Are you mad at your parents for being poor, so you live LARGE because you don’t want to feel LACK again? Were your siblings treated better than you and you are buying your way to acceptance or to prove a point?

The first step to financial breakthrough is forgiveness. I harbored resentment and rebellion in my house because I couldn’t accept the traditional view (really the ignorant view) of a stay at home mother. I knew it was the right thing, the best thing, but I felt less-than my calling, my self-worth was miniscule and since I had never felt that way before, I made some dumb mistakes. And we’re paying because of them.

Another reality we must face is that we may be the only people around us who want to change their minds about money, debt and wealth. I don’t have room to discuss the countless times that I’ve heard: “Debt is just a part of life. It’s not that big of a deal.” I beg to differ, so for that reason, I’m going on a crusade and I would like to hear from all of you. From today until the Lord tells me to get off of this subject, I will be covering books, news, articles regarding women, family and finances, specifically debt recovery and legacy building.

Now, if you have your money together, you know where it’s going, you have your will, your legacy plan all written and distributed to the VIPs in your life. We love you and want to hear from you. Where did you start? Did you ever get off track? How did you rebound/recover?

But, if you really need to get it together, check in here at dahgurl every Friday (well every day would be nice. ) for info that you can use immediately.

Ready to get on the road to recovery? Great! First stop? The library. Check out the list of the following books that I will be reviewing next week here on Financial Friday. Now, if you just have to buy them, like I do, please consider buying them right here at Dahgurl. Just click on the book title in the sidebar and you will be headed over to Amazon.

Here are websites of my favorite authors as well as some great financial advice for FREE:

• Glinda Bridgforth, author of “Girl, Get Your Credit Straight” and others
• Dave Ramsey, author of”Total Money Makeover,” and you can read about his Financial Peace University course here.
• Suze Orman, author of “Women and Money”
• Jean Chatzky, author of “No More Excuses”
• Janet Bodnar, “Money Smart Kids” columnist, Kiplinger’s

Now, I chose these authors for many reasons, but there are many others. Subscribe to Black Enterprise, Money and Kiplinger’s. Black Enterprise does a real family (not the hypothetical–husband/wife/1.8 kids deal) financial makeover in every issue. If you don’t feel like you have the time to read, might I suggest getting up an hour earlier, staying up an hour later or recording your favorite show and just watch it all on the weekends? We all have just 24 hours, remember? Make the best of yours!

I don’t watch them anymore.

As soon as I can get a spare brain cell, which usually happens between the third or fourth rant of “Brush your teeth and say your prayers” and the increasing threat of “If I hear one more sound, I am…”, I go to the computer so that I can squeeze in articles for the two blogs, flyers for the podcasts, emails/newsletters/press releases about my upcoming speaking engagements. I don’t know when else I could do these things because in the morning, I’m planning for the day, working on these projects as well. I do what I have to do now so that I can do what I want to do later, but that doesn’t mean jack to the kids.

“Mommy, why don’t you tuck us in, pray with us or give us a zerbert/zurbit (Couldn’t find the proper word, but it’s when you make raspberries/spitting sounds on the cheek or stomach usually. Think Clif Huxtable and Rudy)?”

I was stopped in my tracks for a second until I realized that it was my sensitive, family oriented son who asked the question. He always challenges me and makes me feel less compassionate or inadequate when its comes to family affairs. His comment was just one of the many ways that my children and my family makes me feel like a busta, intentionally and unintentionally.

“Mommy doesn’t read books to us every night either any more.” Oh, now my 4 year old, who also thinks that she has no friends and that she’s always left out, was making me feel any better. So, what do I do?

You think I broke down, crawled under a rock and felt guilty because I have to generate income and I’ve chosen doing it on my terms, with my skills? You think I cried and explained how much I missed them and wanted to be with them?

You got another think coming. I did the totally un-respectable thing and went OFF.

“Didn’t we just have a water fight, go to the museum, hang out at the park, get video games at the library and you are trying to make me feel bad tonight? Do you think about what I may want to do, what makes me happy? I wish I could just whine and all of the sudden somebody stops what they’re doing to chauffeur me, comfort me, clothe me, clean up after me…”

My oldest daughter rushed in the room to rescue her siblings, but I was on a roll and there was no turning back. “What part of I owe you every ounce, every second of my life did you pick up on? You…”

I don’t have to recant it, but it was crazy and I overreacted.

I’m sitting here now, typing this post, BBB is awake AGAIN after midnight and I have had to retype this line several times because I’m half awake.

Were they wrong for wanting to keep a routine that I’ve been practicing for years up until 9 months ago when DH and I had “the talk”? They’re getting older. I’m getting busier. I do the night time routine sometimes, maybe once a week. They don’t drop this drama on DH at all, ever. Should I be mad about that?

How do you respond when your children pull the guilt trip? Do you cave? Do you snap? Do you breakdown, cry and reach for the chocolate ice cream? Leave a comment and share with me how guilt (or perceived neglect) from your children or from your spouse effects you.

Well, add these lyrics from the 80’s R & B group, Whodini.

Friends, how many of us have them? Friends? The one’s you can depend on. Let’s be friends.

I used to have an associate who would tell her kids “that if one you all go, you all go. If one of you isn’t invited, then we all stay home.” Basically, she believed that her children didn’t need friends outside of their large, close-knit family. Well, at least, that’s how she acted. I have Mommy and Child Days where I spend an entire day with each of them individually and they plan out all of the activities and they decide if they want to take a friend or not. I’ve invited this person’s daughter who is the same age as my daughter and her response is so politely, “Where one goes they all go because that’s how they build relationships with one another as a family.”

I was tired of my daughter being hurt every time that mom said no. I just stopped calling her. Am I tripping if I believe that every child deserves their own friends, their own items (within reason) and some personal privacy? My children are only 2 years apart with the exception of the older 2 which are 3 years apart, but I am clear about who’s friend belongs to whom. My oldest son goes to hang out with his friend who has a brother the same age as my younger son. My younger son wants me to invite him along so that he can hang out with his friend. Not a bad plan, but it’s not up to me. If it was a more than one child thing, my gurlfriend would have asked the 7 year old to come too. Otherwise, I don’t just bring my kids to someone else’s party without that being cleared in the beginning.

I’m accused of being too strict, but I am 12 months and 1 week older than my younger sibling and her friends were NOT my friends. I also have been getting a lot of “I don’t have any friends, Mommy” from my 4, almost 5 year old daughter. She’s been acting out/doing the baby thing (whining, tantrums and such). I am familiar with Mocha Moms and several other organizations, but I am tired and I don’t want to start anything and not be able to participate. She has a couple of girls that she hangs out with, but their moms have been busy too. I have a ton of great friends and I know that I am blessed with them, but was I worried/concerned about friends at 4 or 5?

How do you handle the “friend” situation among siblings? Am I being lazy or unfair because I don’t think they need a lot of “friends” anyway, especially since our family size is big? How did your parents handle it? Did the gender of the sibling change how the situation was handled? Looking forward to your comments.

“Shawn, you guys ok? Me and the girls just passed your house and the entire neighborhood is pitch black. You need something?”

Can I just say that I am so blessed with considerate, thoughtful, positive friends? You know it’s hard for me to receive love like this. Yup, the giver is always trippin’. Here’s my response::

“Oh, we’re fine. The kids were scared at first, but they’re sleep now. Thanks for calling. They should be back on in a few hours.”

In all honesty, I was ready to pull my hair out. My oldest daughter was in the basement and she screamed like something out of movie. My younger son and youngest daughter were watching TV and ran down the stairs crying and praying (yeah, that’s my younger son’s answer to all, remember?). My oldest son and BBB (bighead, bigcheeked baby) are in the kitchen and they spill juice everywhere. They are all jumping on me. I can’t find a single thing in this challenging collage of clutter other people call a home.

Hey, I’m not Susie Homemaker. For real, I’m not even Sometimey Sammie Homemaker. I have tons of lists, charts, ideas, plans, strategies and my life is just full with reactions instead of pro-actions. The lights go out around 9 p.m. and we couldn’t find my emergency candles (I still haven’t found them actually), the batteries are out in one of the two flashlights we could find (what kinda help are two flashlights going to provide in a house with 3 floors, 7 people and 4000 square feet, 75 percent of that footage is covered by clutter). HELLO! I felt like such a busta, you know one of those “oh, you are a SAHM and you homeschool, you must be organized” slaps in the face. I’m living life by the seat of my pants,scrounging through drawers/cabinets, stumbling over Power Rangers and Leapster games. My family? Where are they?

Check this out.

DH takes my scented candle (the second of the two candles that I found in the bathroom where I use them during my monthly celebratory bath) and takes pictures so he can add to his awesome Flickr site.

Am I the only spastic person in my house? People always tell me to slow down, breathe, relax. Well there’s nothing like a little bit of darkness to shed some light on you and all of your issues huh?

Must implement an emergency plan…item 21, 874. Check.

Articles and Info on Emergency Preparation:

• Homeland Security Site
• How to Create a Home Emergency Plan
• How to Create a Family Emergency Plan
• American Red Cross

How do you handle emergencies? Are you prepared? Are you cool, calm like DH or are you off the chain like me? Would love your comments!

Well, my second Say What was when I asked my oldest daughter to download the picture for me. “Sure, mommy.” I told her that I was going to use it on my blog and I needed a copy emailed to me. Somehow she missed the instructions after downloading. Now, I’m out of town and I have no picture. This weekend is the first time I’ve been home since Christmas and I come into my parent’s office after an exhausting road trip. (Not exhausting as a trip, but anything that you attempt with five kids is just bigger and more tiring…wow language is starting to get weird to me, but you get my drift). Guess what? My mother has changed all of her rooms around, but more importantly, she has a new computer with all of the bells and whistles which includes a HUGE 21 in’ flat screen monitor. I looked at it and said, “Say What?” She explained to me that she hasn’t read the manual, hasn’t properly hooked it up for it to be fully functional and all she does mostly is play free cell and check airfare on Southwest. This computer (I’m using it now) is so much faster than my PC at home and as much I try not to be mad at my techno-novice pretending to be a geek mother, I do wish she would stop getting all of this stuff that she doesn’t know how to use and then try to get me to show her how to use it. Yeah, add tech support to my long list of duties.

Lastly, I want you to know that I am very excited about going to Cape Cod/Martha’s Vineyard this weekend. I have always wanted to go there and I am glad that my sisters, my mom and I are going. I rarely go out on vacation especially if something is going on with the kids and can you believe that after planning t go somewhere that I’ve really wanted to go, two of my children came down with something on our way to Michigan. My youngest daughter is sneezing, the baby is coughing and I’m thinking in my head, ” Say What? You can’t be serious that they are getting sick the weekend that I am going away. The baby won’t take any medicine/won’t eat any food (which is HUGE) and it sounds like he’s wheezing as in asthma. I can’t believe all that happened to me in a short span of time. I’m working on not feeling guilty about leaving the kids with my in-laws while 2 of them aren’t feeling well.

Did I mention that I have to be at the airport at 4:45 a.m. EST? Did I share with you that I haven’t slept in several days? How about the fact that I went to library to get me some novels (since I only read novels when I travel and I left them all at home? I hope that I can access the Internet while I’m away. I have to share with you all about my travels.

Thanks for letting me vent a little.

Actually I have a lot of different summer plans because I am writing at professional levels again after a 10 year or so hiatus and we as a family have decided to stick it out this summer as The Spences in Baltimore. Ok, for the new readers, I have to give you a little background. We are from Detroit and all of our family is in Detroit–parents, siblings (except Chanda, who has authored many posts over here at Dahgurl, who is in Chi-town), so the grandkids go North versus the traditional Southern journey for the summer. Since DH doesn’t have to teach over the summer, we tend to go as well and we are there as adults living with their parents for 7 to 9 weeks. Ok, take a deep breath! It wasn’t that bad until last summer. Bad isn’t really the term, but it just became apparent to us that our lives are changing, our family needs are changing and this pilgrimage has to be…reduced to a week here and a couple of days there.

This was not an easy revelation to handle for anyone, but I’ve learned how to know my season and the spiritual season change is not that much different than the natural season change. You start to feel uncomfortable where you are–it’s too hot for what you’re wearing or too cold and you don’t have a jacket. You feel unprepared, confused even though the place where you are is familiar it starts to look and fee differently. Think about some relationships that have gone down the tubes or a job situation where the new supervisor was not like the last one. A season change. You have to make some different choices when the seasons change.

It’s been difficult to establish personality/habits/perspective/legacy when you are not the only adult of influence. I’ve just decided with DH in agreement that we’ve spent so much of our family life being an extension of what our parents wanted. Now we gotta establish who we are as a family/build our own legacy. One of the things that we are going to do this year is we are going to take our first family vacation with just us 7. Because we made such a huge financial sacrifice for me to come home, we hadn’t even thought about taking our kids somewhere. Plus we travel so much as being a part of a large family that we didn’t see how we could swing a vacation with just us. And our family is so wonderful that our children have traveled the world complements of the grandparents. Now it’s time for us to do something that we do, that we can do.

I’m a little nervous–buying a new house this year, running a business with a couple of staff people (did a solo for a while some years back), writing my second book AND establishing a family legacy/tradition built on who we are as a couple. It’s a lot, but I trust God because he wouldn’t have made me write it if this wasn’t the season to make it happen.

Are you working on something and it’s not working the way you think it should? Have you had a season for growth, for change, for building and missed it because you weren’t prepared? Do you not even know how to discern your season or what to do in your season? Leave a comment. I’d love to hear what’s changing for you.