Well, I gotta tell you that I was not planning to do anything special for Mother’s Day, but a good friend of ours from college invited us to D.C. to have dinner and to just hang out. After a hectic day in the nursery at church (it’s once a month and I tell you…I couldn’t do more…it is not easy dealing with your children when you’re working…BBB, bighead, bigcheeked baby, for you new readers…he was off the hook), I took a nap, but the kids were so excited to go to our friend’s house. It warms my heart that we’ve extended their sphere of safe people and safe places. You all know that I just don’t let my kids hang out anywhere, especially at “family” gatherings, but this was different.
I got up late/we rushed to DC/food was good/fellowship was great and then…we got to talking. You know how we do after the grub, we have to sit and chat a bit.
I try to avoid touchy topics in mixed company. I’m pretty passionate about my issues-education, child rearing, family, politics. I just try to listen, but they kept drawing me in.
“Your daughter is so mature and well spoken. That is so awesome.”
“Thank you!” (Oh, the proud mama moments come just when you need them)
“I just don’t know how you do it with 5 kids. I take my hat off to you.”
“Thanks. It’s not easy, but it’s definitely worth it. I’m pretty hard on ‘em.” (Now why did I say that? I…I think I’m opening up a can)
See, I realized recently that not everyone is hard on their children. Actually, in my opinion, parents are a little soft, like pillow soft, like…punk soft. When did parents have to ask their children permission for stuff? When did children start sharing their feelings about what they don’t want to do? Ok, ok, I’m not going to tell you where the conversation led or who said what. Other than me making comments like,
“Walking out of my house looking like a trick on the street is not happening…no matter how much their exploring their femininty.”
“Who cares what other people are doing? I’m setting the friggin standards in this piece, I was chosen to carry them for 10 months, not society.”
“I don’t let my kids hang out with too many people at our house because my basic rule is if you’re hanging with mine, I’m treating yours like I do mine. If you don’t want them disciplined like I do it, keep your kids at home and we’ll meet at the park.”
Yeah, it sounds harsh to some, old-fashioned to others and you know what, I don’t care. You judge a tree by its fruit and ounce for ounce, I got good fruit.
So, to all of the mothers, young and old, who care enough about their children to show them the craziness of this world from a distance and to give them safe places to grow and flourish without getting sucked into the craziness, to the moms that are NOT being punked by their kids…Happy Mothers Day!

The past 48 hours were a blur. I left Michigan in our 2006 Dodge Grand Caravan at approximately 1 a.m. on Thursday, July 5th. A great friend of ours wanted a ride to D.C. and since that meant, an extra driver, we were down. DH drove the first leg, while they caught up and I slept. At the half-way point, our friend took the wheel, DH slept and I got to catch up with him on things that we like to talk about–spirituality, relationships, business and politics. We arrived at our Baltimore home at about 9 a.m. and my daughter, who was sleep most of the trip, made pancakes for breakfast. Our friend was picked up around 11 a.m., I went to the bank, picked up our mail from a neighbor, took a one hour nap, showered and was at the Greyhound station by 1:45. Bus left at 2:30 p.m. and we were in NYC by 6:30 p.m.

Sounds straight forward, but I left out a little tidbit. Tuesday night, DH and I went out, had a great time catching with old friends, dancing to some good house music (I’m working on a visual of this) and I left that night with a sore throat from being in contact with so much cigar smoke. I had trouble swallowing, my chest was burning…all from casual contact with second-hand smoke. By Thursday night, the combination of a smoke-induced sore throat and four hours of exposure to an over air conditioned bus ride, I was sick–congested, runny nose, watery eyes, sore throat and chills. Does this not make for a wonderful one-day trip to a rock concert with your almost 13 year old daughter?

I took my books for Financial Friday, read most of them (since I could barely talk) and I am now at home with a sinus headache (which completed the deal after another four hour return bus ride home), body aches and a not as sore throat complements of the zinc lozenges I was sucking on the entire trip.

You guys are in for such a treat as my daughter and I did a v-log simulcast (she’s going to put her views on her blog…more details on my daughter with a blog in another post) and we are preparing it for tomorrow.

Of course, the guilt comes in because the drug store near Rockerfeller Plaza didn’t have poster board and we couldn’t make a Happy Birthday sign for my now five year old daughter, Pie. I did write a great birthday tribute to her last year and I’d love for you all to share your holiday stories or birthday stories to cheer me up as I am covered in the smell of eucalyptus and garlic (it’s a great natural antibiotic) and I’m dressed like it’s winter time in a sweatshirt and sweatpants even though it’s 85 degrees.

I gotta get better because being sick, especially in the summer, is for the birds. The idea of being short 4 children hasn’t even hit me yet, but as soon as I’m able (later on tonight), I’ll share with you my feelings hopefully void of most of the guilt.

Like my title? I thought it was kinda funny. As I mentioned to you all, my friend Maria Bailey, founder and host of Mom Talk Radio, enjoyed talking to me while I was interviewing her about trick or treat for UNICEF that she interviewed me the following week. Check us out (we had so much fun) on her podcasts over at Mom Talk Radio. I am one of the first guests and we had so much fun (oh, I said that already, so you know it was double fun) that I decided to do a podcast (not many of you mentioned that you watched video casts, so I’ll probably save them until January or so) specifically for dahgurl readers, who I describe to people are mostly women (I have some guys checking us out often) who want to be all that in every aspect of their lives and not make excuses because their power makes others uncomfortable. The readers here like to laugh, like to cry, are real/strong/scared/encouraged. Let me know if I left something out. The podcasts, which will be divided into 2 main categories–revving up (Momentum moments) and chilling out (Meditative moments). My podcast, the Me Minute (yes only one minute, so you have to take a Me Minute) will be gracing us at dahgurl.com in the next couple of days.

Would love to hear what you all thought about the interview with Maria and what topics you would like me to touch on in the podcasts. Talk to you all soon.

You all know that I am all about living my dreams and being who God created me to be, but I do have a hinderance, a big hinderance. I love to dance and if I could choose another life for only a season, it would be to live the life of an Alvin Ailey dancer. Talk about the body as an art form. Man, when I see them perform with such grace and intensity, I think if only I could let go of the TBB. Read more about my TBB challenges and learn how you can help.

When there’s chance, there’s also choice.-SMS

I had a chance, then next, I had a choice. I’m not sure if I made the right one, but I had to get real quiet and hear my voice. I haven’t been hearing it really…well, I actually haven’t been listening. As my daughter gets older, I get to listening to who God wants her to be and I’m pretty good at hearing from Him on behalf of my children. I have to make hard choices, different choices than those made for me, so that I can carry out what He has for me to do for her. Uggh. I forgot to tell yall what happened a week or so ago.

See, I am not afraid to admit that I am in the friend choosing, well, social network choosing business and not that far from strategically arranged marriages. Ok, get the Romeo and Juliet tragedy stuff out of your mind. No, you can’t choose who your children fall in love with, but I am not afraid any more to talk about what love is/what lust is/what love can do/what love can’t do. Is anybody hearing me? Anyway, my daughter is a thoughtful, fun-loving mature 11 year old who likes to listen to pop music, reads 5-6 books a week and loves dance/musical theatre. Not too many people in our surrounding community have her same interests. So, when I find some child (who I like…let’s tell the truth) who has similar interests as she, who she in turn likes, I will do whatever I can to make their friendship/relationship fruitful. And yes that means getting into their business and talking about them behind their backs. Ok, I said it and I’m sure my DH has left the building/cut off the computer because…I’ll pick up on him after I tell you what I did. DD has a good friend. Good friend having a bad moment says something that hurts my daughter’s feelings. Nothing real crazy yall, but it hurt her nonetheless and my daughter (you know the one who is pressing me for new friends/better social networks OR pressing me to return her to school where she was teased/criticized and bored) starts to avoid the girl. I am great friends with her mom, so I tell the mom what the daughter said. Mom said Unacceptable and I will address it. Daughter comes over to my house/apologizes to my daughter sincerely and all is right with the world. Well, that ain’t all that happened. My daughter was a little huffy because she feels I should have told her that I was going to tell her friend’s mom. I reminded her that I did say I was going to do that. Daughter also felt that she should have had a chance to deal with it in her own way and not have me interfere. True dat.

“Honey, you were taking too long and I know that when stuff festers, it only gets worse. She barely remembered saying it and it was just a week ago.”

“Mommy, I just wish you would have told me because I didn’t want to get her in trouble and make her feel bad.”

“You’re right. Next time, I’ll let you know BEFORE I tell the parents.”

Yep, her eyes went up in her head for a minute, but same friend just joined our homeschool group/has been over our house a few times this week/just joined my daugher’s dance program and the two of them are back to hanging. Was it worth it? Was I right? DH says that I’m enabling my daughter to not be able to handle her own problems and that I need to get out of it. Ok! I see his points. Would I do it again? If I thought it was worth it, YEP!
Good friendships that affirm who you are are hard to come by, even for adults. I share with my daughter certain techniques…shoot, we talk about everything. I share with her how I would do things, but she is not as confrontational as I am. I had no problem with going up to someone who didn’t like me and asking them what their problem was. I spent my whole life fighting for my place at the table and I want my kids to have that fight, that competitive edge, that “oh no you won’t diss me like that.” How do you get it across? How do you take it to the streets when your kids don’t even know where the streeet is? Can you hear me?

Now, me doing this is not the only time that I’ve contacted parents regarding some unacceptable behavior. Flat out. I got a situation now with the high schoolers in our homeschool group. They’ve lost their natural minds and if I didn’t know better I would think they went to the high school next door to where we meet. They half speak. They are doggin’ out the younger kids. They even had the nerve to try to turn one of our new members against my daughter based on a beef she had with one of their friends LAST YEAR and their friend isn’t even in our group anymore. Is that not insane? Petty? Clique-ish? I’m trying to see how to nip it in the bud without making the high schoolers feel bad, but making them accountable to the standards that we’ve set. Am I tripping? Maybe my standards, my expectations are too high? I’ve rid myself of foolishness, foolish people in my close knit circle and I don’t think people know how high of a standard I set for my children and I align myself with parents who have similar (and in some cases higher) standards as I do. I don’t live in a bubble and none of my children have problems interacting with people who are different than them, but know that I had to work damn hard to build up my daughter’s self esteem and self confidence to let some lil…confused teenagers…DH says I’m tripping, says I’m acting like my grandmother (yeah, brotha had to go back two generations on this one), says it’s nosey, clingy and that I need to let it ride its course. Read the rest of this entry »